The Wonderful Adventures of a Moron
by Revan's split personality
Summary: my first fanfic...and yeah. tis an ageless story of a scout that gets stranded with another person and things go from bad to weird. Watch out for coarse language. May cause minor skin irritation. The language, I mean...UPDATED! Revived! Undead! ARG
1. Damnit to the Bloody Bowels of …Somethin

DISCLAIMER: I don't own nuthin but whatever's I my head, and I'm sure that that's bing transmitted by the government. j/k :p

Chapter #1: Damnit to the Bloody Bowels of …Something Non-Cliché that I Can't Think Of.

Word of my talents spread on the Endar Spire like a forest fire during a drought on Kashyyk. Within a period of five hours, rumors about me were flying rampant. Some I liked, and some I didn't; like the one about me being an ex-cantina dancer. That wasn't true! I _sang_ at a cantina for a short period, but I was soon bored and restless again…I guess that comes with being a scout. Something was always urging me onwards, like I was running from something, but I didn't know _what_. All I knew was that it was bad to stay in one place for too long, so I spent most of my time exploring uncharted space. Dangerous, I know; but that's part of what makes it so_ fun._ And, as one would expect, I picked up quite a few skills on the way. Well, you sort of _have_ to learn some things, like how to improvise with what you have to fix a damaged hyperspace engine, or how to slice into a system to get to places where you really…shouldn't….be…

Well, this isn't really making me look too good. Let's just say that I was good with electronics, and word got around that I could fix anything. I had half the crew lined up outside my dorm door with broken down datapads and the likes. I even had one of the maintenance men bring me one of the droids to fix! How sad is _that?_ So I did the only thing I could think of; I fixed everything I could. I couldn't get everything done that one day, of course. I had duty. Which brought about an important question:

Why the hell was I on that stupid ship to begin with?

I had been forcibly recruited to the Republic when they magically heard of my skills as a scout and my handiness with electronics. I wasn't the best at fighting, but I could defend myself. I proved that the second day at the training academy they sent me to when I beat the shit out of this group of preppy girls who thought they were better than me. Long story short: I got into deep shit, then was transferred over to the Endar Spire before I got a chance to beat the shit out of the girls again for ratting me out.

That was another rumor I was more than happy to prove true.

Anyways, I was called down to the bridge to check out something with the main navigational computer. I was hoping it was something very minor, seeing as how we were currently 'navigating' our way to Taris for some reason not told to me. So, I packed my bag of instruments, which included my neat little switchblade ('cause you never know when you'll have to 'protect' yourself, koff koff), and traipsed off to the bridge, listening to my Nar Shadaa rave music mix ( I had picked it up on my last visit from the concert I was in). It wasn't that far away, it just took me a while to get there because I kind of wandered off course a bit. I tended to do that quite often- I would see a small corridor or empty hallway, and I couldn't resist taking a little stroll down to the end, just to see what was going on. I really didn't think it took me that long, but…

" WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, SOLDIER?"

I flinched instinctively as the angry male voice lashed out at me. I was frozen in place, and I wouldn't doubt that on my face was the classic 'deer in headlights' look: my eyes were as open as they would go, my eyebrows must have been up to my hairline, and a silent scream plastered itself upon my face as I flung my arms up to protect my precious head. The man, seeming oblivious to my reaction, continued to scream at me.

" We called for you to be down here a standard HOUR ago! I know your background, and I know that you're not used to taking orders, but WHAT THE HELL COULD YOU HAVE BEEN DOING FOR AN HOUR!"

My initial shock wearing off, I summoned the best scowl I could and ignored the feeling of multiple stares directed at me. All the action in the bridge had ground to a screeching halt, and everyone was staring at the spectacle of this man screaming at me, blank, zombie-like looks on their faces.

" Look, _asshole_…" I poked the man in the chest, and he looked at me incredulously. " You better shut your face and get outta mine, or I'm not fixing _a thing. _Ever. You can just drop me off at the next planet, and I'll get along fine on my own! I didn't ask for this! So you better give me the respect I deserve, or you can just ROT in HELL!" The man was obviously taken aback at my blatant rudeness to him, and stood there for a couple of seconds blinking dumbly before standing up as straight as he could. He looked down his nose at me (he couldn't help it; his nose was_ huge!_), and huffed like an old, rich granny.

" Don't you know who I am?"

" I. Don't. Care." I pushed him out of my way and walked up to the front of the bridge. " Would someone mind telling me what the problem up here is?"

The man couldn't take a hint and continued on. " The Captain's going to here about this! And when he does-"

I spun around and looked at him dryly. " What's he going to do, court marshal me for defending myself against a pompous asshole? Uh," I pointed to myself. " Don't care." I sat down in a rather comfy chair and checked the readings on the panels.

" You HAVE to care! Don't you know who I am?"

Rolling my eyes, I turned my music up to drown out the hurt protests of the annoying pompous man. I looked around to see the people surrounding me bobbing their heads to my music. I smiled to myself and continued to tinker around with the computer. A couple minutes later, I was surprised to feel a tap on my shoulder. I jumped about ten feet out of the chair (that was a hyperbole right there…just thought I'd incorporate a little english lesson there for those who care…I won't do it again. Sorry.) and landed rather ungracefully on my ass, on the floor. I groaned and pulled the headphones out of my ears, then looked up to see a man dressed in a high-level Republic uniform staring down at me. I tensed up, waiting for him to yell at me too, like the big-shnozed man. He didn't yell, but extended a hand, then gave me a strange glance, which may have been caused by my flinching away. I uncovered my eyes again to see him rather confused, his hand still extended. Not wanting to seem rude, I took his hand and allowed him to help me up. I pouted and rubbed my now sore ass. " Oww…floor's hard…"

" Are you okay, miss? That was-"

" Yeah, I'm fine. Dandy. High-strung. Paranoid. Etcetera." I quickly thought of something else to say, but only drew a blank. I resorted to rubbing my ass again, and let out a pitiful moan. " That'll bruise…damnit."

The man chuckled. " By the way, I'm Carth Onasi." He held his hand out.

" Oh, I'm Selora. Forgot my last name a long time ago." I shook his hand, a grin spreading across my face to match his. Then I gasped. " Carth Onasi! Hero of the Mandelorian Wars! I've heard of you!"

He smiled bashfully and ran a hand through his hair. " Yeah, well…what can I say?"

" How about you tell me what's going on up here?" I smiled and grabbed my bag of magic tricks and other assorted tools. " I was called up here to fix something. I checked this console, but nothing seems to be wrong…"

" She was an HOUR late!"

That was it. " Oh my God would you GET OFF OF IT AND PISS OFF? I'm about ready to KILL you, man!" All action on the bridge once again ground to a screeching halt. Carth and Mr. Shnoz both stared at me, eyes wide.

" I'M the co-pilot of this SHIP!"

" I. DON'T. CARE! I DON'T CARE! I do NOT give a SHIT! Shut UP! Just SHUT UP and DIE!" I fought hard to regain control of my breathing, and glared as evilly as I could at the stupid man. Taking a deep breath, I suddenly smiled and turned to Carth. " Mind showing me where the problem is? It'll probably only take me a few seconds to correct. It's always finding it that takes up the most time."

Clearing his throat and putting on a pleasant look, Carth nodded. " Yes. We got reports that there was a problem with a security matrix in the navigation console. This way." He led me over to the console and pressed some buttons. " See, every time you try to correct the course, it asks for the security passcode."

" As it should…"

Carth frowned. " True. But every time someone puts in the correct code, it rejects it and…see?" After typing in a couple digits, three high-pitched beeps rang from the console, and a warning message came onto screen.

WARNING: HEADING CANNOT BE CHANGED

PASSCODE REQUIRED

I let out a relieved sigh. " Ah. It's just this."

" Just 'this'? Just what?"

I looked at Carth. " Well, sometimes when you download star maps and charts, there are incompatible matrixes that can cause a bit of a bug. It's not that your passcode is incorrect, the computer is just missing the codes needed to change to that particular heading. Now all I need to do is find the matrix and change it to a compatible one. Easy as pie." I paused for a second. " Pie actually isn't all that easy, when you think about it."

Carth was silent for a moment. "…so you can fix it?"

I had already found the matrix. "Uhhhhhhhhh………………done."

" What? You've fixed it already?"

I dusted my hands off. " They don't call me the best for nothing." I motioned to the console. " Go ahead. Try it out."

An unbelieving look on his face, he punched in a few commands and stared at the console for a couple of seconds before letting out an amazed 'huh'. He looked at me, obviously impressed. " Good job, soldier."

I raised an eyebrow. " Time for a raise?" I faked a cough and rubbed my fingers together.

He chuckled a bit, shaking his head. " I think it'll take a bit more than that."

I pouted. " But I was amazing…anyway, I better get back to whatever it is I'm suppose to be doing." He let out a laugh. I looked at him blankly. " No, I'm serious. I have no clue as to what I'm suppose to be doing. No one told me. They just dropped me on this ship, waved, and told me to have a good time." I shrugged. " I suppose I could always go down to the maintenance bay and do their job for them…again…" Carth stopped me from leaving.

" Wait…you honestly don't know what you're doing on this ship?"

I shook my head. " Not a clue in hell." Shrugging, I turned to go, throwing the bag over my shoulder as I put the headphones over my ears again. " I'll figure something out, don't worry, Captain!" I spun around briefly to give him a little salute, then sauntered my way back to my dorm, sticking my tongue out at Mr. Shnoz on the way out. I'd kick his ass later…

Not much happened for about a week. My time was divided between fixing personal items of the crew, droids, and the ship in general. It wasn't the newest ship; the Republic wasn't in the best shape as a result of the Mandelorian Wars, but it was still limping along. I devoted most of my time to fixing whatever I could get my hands on: doors, computer consoles, alarms, you name it, I fixed it. People started to call me the 'magic engineer'. I wasn't an engineer at all, I just liked fixing things.

Mr. Shnoz was determined to make my life a living hell, and started watching me carefully, just waiting for me to screw something up or get knocked up or something. I don't know. Thankfully, I had the support of the whole crew, including Carth. I spent two days fixing a watch for him. He better have been on my side, damnit. I found out the name of my bunkmate on the third day; Trask Ulgo. Seemed nice enough; he didn't go through my stuff. I was sure; I had rigged my footlocker with explosives. If you didn't know the passcode….BLAM! The walls would be painted with your internal organs! I had hinted many times to Mr. Shnoz that I had some sort of illegal goods in my footlocker, but he was too dense to figure it out. Ah, well. Sooner or later…muhahahahaa….

It was about the ninth day on the Endar Spire when everything went to hell.

I was off-shift and taking a nice, refreshing seven hour nap when an explosion rocked the ship. Being the light sleeper I am, I woke up suddenly, frantically scanning the room like a threatened animal. Damn…the walls weren't red. I gasped sharply. Then it was something else…

" We're under attack!" The door flew open and Trask barged in, blasters in hand.

Being a bit slow, seeing as how I had just woken up, I blinked. "…under attack?" See, it just didn't click right away. It took a couple of seconds. "WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!" My arms flung up to cover my head. " I'm gonna DIE!"

Trask strode over to my bunk and grabbed my arm. " Come on, get a hold of yourself! We need to help Bastila!"

I lowered my arms just enough to uncover my eyes, which were staring at Trask with angry confusion. " Who's Bastila and why should we help him-slash-her?"

Trask looked at me like I was a moron. " Bastila's the Jedi we swore to protect. I heard that she's on of the only Jedi who can use Battle Meditation It's a powerful move that-"

" Don't care." I sat up and grabbed the edge of my bunk as the ship lurched again. " Besides, Bastila's a _Jedi._ Jedi are the 'defenders of the galaxy'. Therefore, one could conclude that if she's qualified to defend the galaxy, she should be qualified to defend _herself_. At _least_. I mean, _come_ _on_!" I got up and entered the code into my footlocker, which promptly swung open without blowing me to smithereens. I put on my uniform (after forcing Trask to turn around. I have my pride.) and grabbed my long sword and my blaster. I also grabbed the frag grenades I had hoarded during the week and shoved them into my pack, along with my toolbag.

"…you can turn around now."

Trask turned around and took off the blindfold. " Thank goodness. Alright, let's go!" Letting out a male-testosterone yell of battle or whatever, Trask ran over and opened up the door, then ran over to the second door. After a couple seconds of cursing, he turned around to glare at me. I was still standing in the dorm room, scared shitless that Trask was going to blast my head off in his mad, testosterone-induced battle rage. He shook a fist at me. " Get over here and open this door!"

I let out a small squeak before running to the door. I pulled out a small pick and picked the lock with it. The door flew open just in time for us to witness a couple of our crewmates get shot to bloody hell by a group of Sith. Trask let out an infuriated howl.

" FOR THE REPUBLIC!"

Thinking fast, I grabbed his arms and pulled as hard as I could, getting him back into the short hall before the Sith had a chance to see him. I scowled at him before backhanding him. " Goddamnit, do you have a deathwish? Let me take care of this." I pulled a frag grenade out of my bag and slung it back over my shoulder. Taking a deep breath, I stepped out into the main corridor and waved cheerily at the Sith.

" You know, I always thought the Sith would kick the Republic's ass. Good for you guys!"

The Sith, quite confused at my actions, began to converse with one another. I smiled even wider.

" And those uniforms are uber sexy."

All three Sith stopped talking and looked at me. " I have a present for you guys." I pulled the pin out of the grenade while holding it behind my back, and tossed it to the dumbstruck Sith. The one in the middle caught it, and they all looked at it for a second. I distinctly remember hearing one of them comment 'oh, shit' before I jumped back into the dorm corridor and plugged my ears. A loud explosion and a flurry of body parts ensued. I looked at Trask, an eyebrow raised in triumph. " Brains beats brawn, baby."

Just then, my wrist communicator beeped cheerily. I had changed the tone so it would beep out my favorite rave song, so I was too busy dancing to the music to answer it. Thankfully, Trask's still beeped the same, so he answered his. He grabbed my arm, and I stopped dancing.

" Did you get that?"

I looked at him blankly. " Do you think I got that?"

Trask shook his head, obviously annoyed with me. " We're supposed to get to the bridge."

I brightened up. " Oh, good! I know how to get to there!"

Trask raised an eyebrow. " I think _everybody_ knows how to get to the bridge."

I scowled and punched him in the arm, which caused him to cry out.

We killed many a Sith on the way to the bridge. When we finally made it, just to our luck, the place was abandoned. It was convenient that our wrist communicators went off again. I needed some good music to cheer me up.

" Carth said that Bastila's escape pod is gone, so we should make our way to the pods and evacuate!"

" Uh-huh…" I picked up a lightsaber from a dead Jedi's body and looked at it. " Don't you think it's odd how these things can blatantly disregard all laws of physics? I mean, how do the blades just _stop_ if they're made of light? It doesn't make sense!" Trask grabbed my arm and dragged me along behind him.

" Look, I'll be happy to discuss it with you _after_ we're off this ship, alright?"

" Do you even know anything about lightsabers _or_ the laws of physics?"

" Wait-do you hear that?" Trask had stopped suddenly, which caused me to bump into him. My finger accidentally hit the switch on the lightsaber, and it turned on just as it flew into the air. The brilliant blue blade caused a shower of sparks as it cut clean through a portion of the door. Cringing, I gasped in amazement as it laid on the ground, humming softly. " Holy effing Gamorean shit, I gotta get me one of those!…oh, right." I ran over and picked up the saber, carefully shutting it off and slipping it into my backpack. " If that thing turns on in there, I am so dead."

Trask had opened a door to reveal a Dark Jedi chopping some poor bastard in half, then laughing maniacally for a couple of seconds. Trask's gasped caused the Jedi to turn around, and he started to advance towards Trask, his ominous red lightsaber in hand. Trask pulled out his vibrosword and bravely walked towards the Jedi.

" Selora- get to the escape pods! I'll hold him off!" The doors closed behind him before I could reply. Shrugging, I made my way to the Starboard section of the ship.

" You could have just closed the door and run." I mumbled as I snuck my way around some Sith, finally getting to employ my Stealth skills. " It probably would have been _more_ effective…" I was just about in the free and clear when my wrist communicator went off. I froze in place and watched as the small group of Sith looked around wildly.

" Where's that music coming from?"

" I dunno…intercom?"

" You're an idiot, you know that?"

" Hey! I like this song!"

One of the Sith started dancing, and was soon joined by the others. I took off my communicator and grabbed another one off the wrist of a dead soldier, trying my best not to vomit at the sight of his mutilated corpse. I wiped off the blood as best I could and strapped it onto my wrist. I snuck through the next door and closed it, half sad that I couldn't watch the Sith dance anymore. It was pretty funny. I flipped open the communicator and saw Carth staring back at me.

" You're the only one left alive. I've been tracking you bio-signs through the ship, and I'll try to help you get to the escape pods." I nodded, hoping that he could see me too. Otherwise, it would have pretty stupid of me to nod. " The next room has a large group of Sith in it. There's a-"

I laughed. " Don't worry. I know how to take care of Sith. Selora out." I turned the wrist communicator off and sidled over to the nearest computer panel, whistling in my good fortune.

"Hmm…let me think…If I interpreted those pirated charts of this class star ship correctly, I should be able to hack into the life support systems and…." I put in a few commands, using a few security spikes in the process, and brought up the life-support main menu. " YES! Now…if I isolate the next room…and vent toxic fumes from the engines INTO that room…it _should_ eliminate any potential sentient problems." I input the code and listened with glee as screams (they were _manly_ screams) rang from the next room, followed closely by a couple loud 'thud's. I re-vented the toxins out of the room and waltzed in, plundering the Sith corpses, along with a few random footlockers and containers. I got a couple nice vibroblades, and some new armor. It was all Republic issue crap, but one could argue that it was better than nothing. Even if it was far from ideal. Whatever.

I bolted though the next door as a violent explosion rocked the ship. Carth was waiting, eerily calm. I looked at him, wild eyed.

" What the bloody hell are we gonna do?"

I cast me a strange glance. " We're going to leave on this escape pod." He motioned towards a small opening. I blinked.

" There's only one left?"

He nodded.

" And…what percent of the crew died? Like, eighty? Man, if the people didn't suck so much, it'd be like the fucking Titanic here. Women and children first!"

"…what are you talking about?"

I paused for a second. " Nothing. Let's stop being retarded and get the hell off this death trap." With that being said, we both crammed into the last escape pod, and ejected.

Well, the whole idea of an escape pod is to…well, escape. Now, my escape pod would have a nice supply of extremely potent alcohol in it to help soften the blow. ALL the blows. 'Cause, damn, those pods really did cause some abuse. If it was a person, they'd be in jail for the rest of their lives. I really don't remember much from our descent into Taris, seeing as how I was knocked unconscious by a blow to the head. Looking back, I wonder if it really was the escape pod and not Carth…

Anyway, when I woke up next, it was quite a shock to say the least. You know how sometimes, if you've just moved, or if you're taking a vacation, you wake up and momentarily forget where you are? Well, imagine having that feeling, except you never knew where you were to begin with. Yeah. It sucked.

TUNE IN NEXT TIME! (please, I'm begging you! I'm not writing this for my own benefit!…well, I'm not writing this for anyone's benefit, really. I'm just bored shitless and have a strange, unexplainable obsession with this game. Maybe they've somehow come up with a form of video game nicotine or something…bah. I'm gonna go play the game for the billionth time already, thank you very much.)


	2. the heaven of hells

Once again, DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything, now stop asking.

CHAPTER #2: Being Stuck on Taris Surrounded by Sexy Sith Uniforms is Like The Heaven of Hells.

I sat bolt upright, scanning the room quickly with my eyes, since my neck had suddenly seized up and wouldn't budge. I kind of reminded myself of a chipmunk- short, jerky movements. Flighty. Stupid and fluffy. Brains the size of a sesame seed. And the list went on and on.

" Hey, you're finally-."

Being in twitchy/flighty chipmunk mode, I spasmd (or whatever) violently enough to fall off the bed and land on my already sore ass. The impact caused my already battered brain to cry out in agony, and I was blessed with the mother of all migraines. I resorted, once again, to moaning miserably. Carth, quite startled by my reaction, just stood there, staring at me while I laid on the cold floor in the fetal position, groaning in pain.

" Uhh…are you alright?"

I didn't answer. With any luck, my lack of an answer would actually serve me as a sort of answer. So, outside, I was completely quiet, save for a few random moans of agony. Inside, however, was a different story entirely, and it went something like this:

_NO YOU BASTARD I AM NOT ALRIGHT NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP AND BURN IN HELLLLLLLLLLLL IN HELLLLLLL IN HELLLLLLLLLLLL! SOM EONE SHOOT ME! KILL BARNEY!_

The last one was a mystery to me, even. Perhaps, subconsciously, I had some sort of vendetta against purple and green child-molesting dinosaurs. Who'd have guessed.

I could tell that Carth didn't know what to do, so I gave him a nice little push in the right direction.

" Hows about you help me sit up? I can't do it on my own, seeing as how the room is spinning and the colors and shapes are all starting to bleed together…" I suddenly felt nauseous. " That would be one hideous painting…" I vaguely realized that Carth had lifted me upright so my back was resting against the bed. He took his hands away from my shoulders and watched me expectantly, like one would when they were trying to make their dogs stand up. His hands were off of me, but still close enough that he could grab me if I started to look like I was going to fall over. Which was a good thing, because I almost did fall over. A couple of times, actually. Once I could sit under my own power, Carth got up and started to rummage through his pack. A couple of minutes passed before he let out an exasperated gasp.

" I don't have anything that could help you. Do you have anything in your bag?"

I shook my head weakly. " No…only tools and grenades." We sat in silence for a couple of seconds. Carth looked at me, pondering something. At least, that's what it looked like to me. Somewhat. Really, he was just a big orange smudge on a dark, dreary background to me.

"…can you stand?"

I took a deep breath. " I dunno, Carth. Lemme try." I sat for a couple of seconds before falling over again. " Nope. No standing for me."

" Shit." Carth began to pace, which caused his orange smudge to dance around in my vision, which made me nauseous. It was a good thing I hadn't eaten in a while, otherwise I would have been wearing my last meal at that point. Carth stopped for a second. " There should be a medical center somewhere around here…but I didn't see anything when I scouted…"

The word 'scouted' caught my attention. " Why didn't I get to scout, eh?"

Carth looked at me, a grim expression on his face. " You've been slipping in and out of consciousness for about three days now."

My eyebrows shot up at mach speed. "_Three days?_ What the hell do you mean, _three days_! I remember one stupid dream, but for a span of _three days?_"

" On that note," Carth walked over to where I was slumped over sideways and righted me again. " What were you dreaming about? You made quite a scene, kicking and screaming in your sleep. I take it that it wasn't a fun dream?"

I felt a slight blush rise to my cheeks. " Well…it was kinda dumb. I didn't understand it at all."

Carth sat down opposite me, crossing his legs. He rested an elbow on his knee and cradled his chin in his hand, then stared at me expectantly. "…so? What was it? Maybe I'll be able to understand it."

I let out a small snort. " Yeah, right." I sighed. " Well, I guess it's worth a try, though. Alright; it started on some sort of ship….

_The two dark Jedi were cut down by Bastila and her small strike team of Jedi. With a grim look of determination, she threw a warning glance at the Dark Lord of the Sith._

_" Give up, Revan! You'll never win!"_

Revan didn't answer, but drew an intense red lightsaber, brandishing it in an elegant fashion laced with brutal destruction. The two were about to clash when a large explosion happened right behind Revan, who fell to the floor. Bastila, unshielding her eyes, looked down to see Revan's body laying motionless on the cold floor before her. Dropping to her knees, she looked over the grievously injured figure, a look of concern working it's way onto her features.

…then, nothing." I breathed deeply after retelling the dream to Carth. He said nothing, but crossed his arms across his chest, looking troubled.

" You were right; I don't know what it means. Sounds like a job for the Jedi, if you ask me."

" Yeah." I closed my eyes and let my head droop towards my chest. " It's weird, if you ask me." I knew something was wrong as soon as Carth didn't say anything. I looked up to see him giving me a suspicious look. " What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

He shook his head, a small frown on his face. " Nothing. We should get you to a doctor."

" I can see a bit clearer now." I tried to put a tone of hopefulness into my observation, but I could tell that it sounded fake.

We were completely and utterly fucked over.

Carth got up and rummaged around in his bag again. " We're going to get you to a medical center, and then we're going to find Bastila."

I groaned. " Why do we have to find Bastila? Why is it _always_ about Bastila? On the Endar Spire: 'We have to save Bastila!' On…where ever the hell this is: 'let's go find Bastila!' For god's sake, she's a Jedi! If she's deemed fit to be one of the galaxy's defenders, she should be able to defend herself, damnit!"

"…you seem to be feeling better."

I rubbed the back of my head in response. " It's still a bit sore, and I'm still dizzy as hell, but yeah, I think I'm a bit better." I tried to get up, but was washed over by another wave of horrendous dizziness. " Okay, no, standing still isn't good."

"Here, let me help." Carth came over and gently hoisted me up, putting one of my arms around his shoulders and one of his around my waist so he could drag me along as I attempted pitifully to walk.

The journey to the medical center, which a nice janitor gave us the directions to, was relatively uneventful. Taris had been put under Sith quarantine, and was swarming with the bastards. Man, was I drooling.

" That armor is so…._sexy_…"

Carth sent a strange glance my way. " How can you think that armor is sexy? You can't even tell if it's a man or a woman in the armor!"

" I don't care what's in the armor! It's the armor I like, not the people inside of it!"

Carth shook his head. "So you're telling me that you're in love with _armor?_"

I shrugged. " Can I help it if the armor is sexy?…man, how sexy would I look in that armor?" I got a bit lost in thought about how shexy my ass would look in that armor and, before I knew it, we had arrived at the small Telosian clinic that was headed by a man named Zelka Forn.

" Hello, and welcome to my clinic. Please, take a seat over here." Carth tried his best to drag me over to the examination table, seeing as how I was clawing at anything within reach to halt my journey. I had managed to get a good grip on a support beam and was holding on for dear life. Carth had grabbed me around the waist and was trying his best to dislodge me and drag me over to the table.

"What's wrong with you?" Carth gave another, stronger, tug, which caused me to cry out in pain.

" NO! I'm not going over there! Nothing can make me! NOTHING!" I squeezed my eyes shut and held on even tighter. I was quite surprised when I realized that Carth wasn't trying to drag me over to the table any longer, and I opened one of my eyes slightly to see him, Zelka, and some other dude all staring at me, utterly confused.

" She seems fine to me…" Zelka commented vaguely, raising an eyebrow at Carth, who just shrugged.

" Guess so."

My knees collapsed on me, and I slid down until I was sitting on the floor, my arms still wrapped around the beam. Before it was for safety; now it was for support. Everything in my vision was swimming again, I had the mother, the father, and the illegitimate children of a migraine, and I felt rather nauseous.

"_Paaaiiinnnnn…"_

It took me a couple of seconds to realize that the pitiful sound I heard had come from me. You know you're in trouble when you experience detached pity for yourself, like you would for a homeless person you just happen to pass by on the street. _Oh, what a sad situation that person is in. I feel so bad for them._ Except, instead of that, it was this, still in the same monotonous thought: _My, what a pitiful situation I'm in. Poor me._ Sympathetic look, walk off, then forget about it fifteen seconds later.

Zelka had crouched down beside me and, with a rather serious look on his face, proceeded to shine a bright light directly into my eyes. This didn't work too well with my migraine, and suddenly I was faced with the realization that, beyond my wildest dreams, my situation had just gotten worse. So, I did the only thing I could think of; I hit his hand hard enough to send the stupid light flying across the room. I then proceeded to throw up, which was rather unpleasant, seeing as how I hadn't eaten anything in the past three days. Stomach acid is best left in the stomach. The nausea had temporarily ceased, anyway.

Zelka let out a sigh. " And I just finished having the floor cleaned…Gurney! Clean this up, will you?" I was hoisted up to my feet and towed, once again, to that infernal table. I felt my heart race, and my eyes flew wide despite my efforts to prevent them from doing so. I struggled against it but found that my energy was completely spent, so I just went limp and let them drag me to the stupid table.

" Well…" Zelka began as him and Carth managed to pin me down on the table. I had caught me second wind and was fighting again as best I could…which wasn't very impressive at all, really. " I think I have a good idea of what's wrong with her. Tell me…" He walked over to a small table filled with supplies and picked out a rather large looking hypodermic needle with a tip that looked long enough to go into my arm…and right out the other side. He filled it about half way with a greenish liquid from a small bottle and flicked it to get rid of the air bubbles. Although it was a small action, it seemed rather evil. I had seen the movies. "…has she hit her head recently?"

" I was _knocked_ _unconscious _for three days. I don't know. You tell me."

Zelka raised a cool eyebrow at me, brandishing the needle. " I'll take that as a yes." I felt a sharp pain in my arm as he stuck me with the needle. I gave him a deep scowl.

" What's that for, then?" Carth looked at Zelka questioningly as he held my arm down to keep me from slugging the doctor in the face.

Zelka's smile was more than a little malevolent, and it was directed at me. " Oh, it's just a little something that'll help her to _relax._"


	3. BaStArD!

Chapter #3: The Term 'Bastard' Encompasses A Lot More Than Just the Sith

I have no idea what it was Zelka stuck me with, but it worked. I was unconscious before I could object. Upon further reflection, I don't believe that what he did was ethical in any sense of the word…and I didn't trust that Zelka one fraction. Oh, sure, Carth was there, but I hardly knew him. And that Gurney fellow looked like a molester if I've ever seen one…and trust me, I have. And I thought that things couldn't _possibly_ get any worse than they were…

Memo to self: _never_ say that things can't get worse. They will. Murphey's Law.

When I woke up, I was back in the dumpy little apartment. Looking around, I almost wished that I was so dizzy I couldn't discern shapes again.

Then it hit me: I felt fine. My head was fine, I could see as clear as ever, and I was so hungry my stomach felt like it was devouring itself.

" _Foooooood…_"

" Yeah, I kinda figured you'd be hungry." Carth was sitting at a table across the room, looking casually looking over a datapad. " There's some food in the fridge."

I got out of bed and pitifully dragged my lazy ass over to the small fridge, flinging the door open.

" Hey- be careful! You're gonna rip the door off it's hinges if you keep doing that."

I shot Carth an annoyed glance. " Nothing I couldn't fix…and _what the hell IS this!_" I had pulled out a container filled with…something like you'd scrape off your boot. I looked over at Carth who just shrugged, his eyes still glued to the datapad.

" Dunno. Some fast food crap."

" Mmm…I've suddenly lost my appetite…" I replace the container and closed the fridge door. My stomach let out a loud growl of protest. " No! There's no way in hell I'm going to even _consider_ ramming that…_crap_ down my gullet, so you can just shut up!"

Carth furrowed his brows as he looked up at me. "…I didn't say anything!"

I shook my head apologetically. " No, not you! I was…just…" I thought of what the implications might have been if I had told him I was talking to my stomach. I imagined that I'd have to walk around with a big 'RETARDED' stamp in the middle of my forehead, and wear a hospital gown with no back around. "….nevermind…wait…YES!"

Carth jumped a little at my outburst and almost fell out of his chair as I jumped over to where my bag was lying at the foot of my bed. I pulled it open violently, almost breaking the zipper, and began to throw stuff out of it.

" What are you doing!" Carth dodged a grenade I had unwittingly thrown, and I smiled at him apologetically.

" Oops. Didn't mean to throw that." I kept hurling junk out of my sack until my hand finally fell upon my target. " FINALLY!" I pulled out the five energy bars I had hoarded from the Endar Spire and smiled widely. I began ripping one open, the others falling into my lap. I threw the wrapper over my shoulder and rammed the whole bar into my mouth. I held one up, offering it to Carth, who just stared at me with a shocked look on his face. I threw him the best sarcastic scowl I could manage with my mouth completely full before hurling the bar at him. Bastard.

The bar tasted a bit like sawdust, and had about the consistency of soft toffee (which made it VERY hard to chew vast quantities of at one time, thank you very much), but it was better than whatever the hell it was in the fridge. I sat there for a good twenty minutes, just trying to chew the damn bar. I felt like I had accomplished something major when I managed to swallow the stupid thing, and I smiled widely to myself. I looked over at Carth, who had fetched the bar I threw at him and was chewing at it, a displeased look on his face. I cocked an eyebrow, allowing a condescending look to cross my face.

" What, you don't want to eat the food in the fridge, Onasi?" He stopped trying to chew the bar and gave me a scared look. " What, is there something _wrong_ with it?" He swallowed hard as I got up and grabbed the 'food' from the fridge, throwing it onto the table in front of him. He slowly put the bar down, staring at the strange container on the table.

" Suddenly, I'm not so hungry anymore…" He began to get up, and I put a hand on his shoulder to push him back into his seat.

" Oh, don't leave now. I'd _really_ like to know what this is…maybe _you'll_ be able to tell." I paused for a moment, just to cause Carth some discomfort. "…after you _taste_ it, that is."

Carth threw up his arms in defeat. " Alright! I admit it: I don't know what the hell it is! It was in that fridge since we got here!" That little tidbit of information made my stomach turn over. I gave him a sharp smack to the back of the head.

" And you were going to let me _eat _that? You…you Hutt slug!"

" Hey! I never would have said anything about it if I thought you were actually going to _eat_ it!" Carth shot back, rubbing the back of his head ruefully.

This was one of the rare times where I was actually speechless. I didn't know whether I should hit him for being such a creep, or to leave him alone for giving me enough credit to not eat unknown food-like objects. I chose the former, and whacked him on the back of the head again.

" OW! You can stop that now!"

" And why should I do that? _You're_ the one who thought I'd be funny to see if I'd eat…_that!_" I poked the container with my finger and flinched as it sighed. "Oh my god, it just made a sound! _And you thought it'd be FUNNY to see if I'd eat that!_" I poked him hard in the chest and scowled. He shrunk away from me a bit.

" Hey, settle down! You didn't eat it, did you?"

" NOT EVEN A _GIZKA_ WOULD BE STUPID ENOUGH TO EAT _THAT!_" I backhanded the thing off the table and watched as it splattered all over the front door. I couldn't help but feel a small degree of satisfaction. The rest came as a horrible idea in my head, and I felt an evil smile curl its way around my lips. I looked down at Carth, who looked as though he'd be glad if the Sith burst in and shot him…or me. " All can be forgiven, though…"

He shot me a suspicious glare. " What's the catch?"

My smile grew wider as his sight followed mine. He blanched.

" What's the matter, Carth? You look a bit pale." A sadistic smile planted itself on my face at his reaction. " It's just _food,_ after all. Isn't it?" We both watched as the slop oozed down the door, burbling a bit as it followed the pull of gravity, leaving a rather unpleasant looking green trail of slime behind it. I watched as he slowly shook his head. " Karma, my friend." I patted his shoulder affectionately before returning to the task of devouring the disgusting Republic energy bars, but not before throwing him a sponge. " Sorry, there's no gloves."

It would seem that we all have our inner bastards.


	4. Rabid Aliens Scare Me

CHAPTER #4: Crazy Rabid Aliens are Quite Intimidating

It took Carth a good two hours to completely clean the ooze off the door, and I loved every minute of it. It was particularly satisfying when he began muttering darkly under his breath. That just made my day. Not to mention the fact that he had a nice ass…but anyway…

Stomach full and good mood restored, I gave Carth a friendly pat on the back. " Good show, old chap. I daresay this is the cleanest this door has ever been."

" Thanks a lot." He replied dryly, stretching his back. " Do you know how hard that was? That stuff didn't resist soap, it grew on it!"

I gave him a sympathetic smile. " Nasty. But it's over with now, right? So we'll just consider this a life lesson and move on, right?"

Carth cocked an eyebrow at me, obviously not amused. " Is that some sort of threat?" I shook my head sincerely. He sighed deeply, rubbing his eyes tiredly. " Right. Now that we've wasted enough time, can we start to look for Bastila already?"

" Oh, right! Bastila." My spirits dropped noticeably. " That'll be _fun._" I spit out the last word and let a sour expression have free reign over my visage. Carth sighed again.

" Look-I know you don't want to do this. You've made that much clear. But we have to find her. She's vital to the Republic war effort."

" Yeah yeah yeah…let's just go already." I opened the door and was met by the sight of a Sith officer, flanked by an attack droid on both sides, held two Duros at blasterpoint.

" Everyone, get up against the wall! This is a raid!"

" But you were just here yesterday, and you didn't find anything then."

Carth made a move to attack the Sith, but I grabbed his arm just in time to stop him. I shook my head at him. " Low profile, remember?" I mouthed to him, praying that he'd have at least some skill with reading lips.

Carth glared at me angrily. " So you're just going to let them be murdered by that Sith bastard?"

" Shh! You wanna get us killed too?" I instinctively covered my head with my arms as I heard blaster shots ring through the hallway, followed shortly by the sound of a body falling. As soon as I had confirmed that it wasn't mine, I lowered my arms to see one of the Duros laying motionless on the floor.

" And that's what happens to filthy aliens who get on my nerves."

I noticed that the one Duros was looking at Carth and me pleadingly, so I retreated a bit so the door frame would hide me, dragging Carth back with me. The Duros made a motion for us to stay, which made the Sith turn around…and see us. A surprised expression flitted across his face.

" Humans hiding in alien apartments…You're Republic fugitives! Attack!" His droids instantly began shooting at us with horrible accuracy. I could have stood in the middle of the hall, motionless, and those things would have missed me nine out of ten shots. I pulled out my vibroblade and ran up to one of the droids, cutting it's head off. Carth had already taken out the other droid, so we both ganged up on the Sith and easily killed him. I managed to get another vibroblade and a few grenades out of the whole thing, which I promptly threw into my backpack which was, once again, slung over my shoulder. The Duros jumped with glee.

" Thank you so much!" He suddenly stopped and stared at his friend's corpse morosely. " Poor Ixil…didn't know when to shut his mouth…"

" Uh, yeah…okay then…" I began to inch away from the crazy Duros, who had started to jump around again. I grabbed Carth's arm and bolted. I looked back to see the Duros chasing after us like a rabid squirrel.

" I'll hide the bodies! Don't worry!"

Thinking fast, I ducked into the nearest door and closed it behind us, letting out a sigh of relief. I looked at Carth, panting. " Shit, than thing was _retarded…_huh?" I turned to see a girl about my age waving a vibroblade at Carth and me threateningly.

" Who are you, and what do you think you're doing, barging into my room like that?" I breathed sharply.

" Looking for bananas!" I held my hands up, and caught Carth throwing me a sarcastic glance out of the corner of my eye. " What? I don't think good under death threats, okay? Jebes…look lady," I put my hands on my hips. " Didn't mean to intrude, but we were being chased by a rabid Duros screaming about hiding corpses, and your door was the closest one. I'm sure that, if you were in our position, you would have done the same thing."

The girl sighed, lowering her vibroblade. " Oh, thank the Force. I thought you were a bounty hunter." She wandered over to a small chair and plopped herself down, obviously tired.

" What do you mean, 'bounty hunters'? You have a bounty on your head?" I guess I must have seemed a little too excited at the prospect, since Carth elbowed me in the ribs and gave me and angry glare. I covered a pained gasp with a cough and, wincing, continued, suppressing the urge to punch Carth in the solar plexus. ""Tell me about it…you."

" The name's Dia. I don't think I should tell you…" She paused for a second, looking me over discerningly. " I don't want any more trouble than I already have."

I shook my head innocently. " No, really, you can trust me! Maybe I could help!"

Sighing in resignation, Dia continued. " Well, I suppose you might be able to help…you see, I work in a cantina. There was a man there, Holdan, and he started getting a bit too touchy, so I defended myself and cut him with my vibroblade. Now the bastards gone out and put a price on my head, to protect his 'man pride' or something like that…I don't know. I don't understand guys."

I pursed my lips in thought. " You know, I don't think they even understand themselves."

Carth snorted. " Yeah, whatever. I understand myself _fine,_ thank you very much."

I gave him a half-hearted sneer. " I'm not here to be politically correct, damnit. Anyway, you men sure as hell don't understand us women. That's a proven fact."

" Speak for yourself! I understand women as well as anyone could!" Carth was obviously beginning to get annoyed with our man-bashing. So, in such an instance, I found it prudent to continue on, just for the sake of annoying him. I couldn't help it- it was just so funny to see the way he reacted!

" Oh yeah, sure Carth. That's why you tried to make me eat something that's been in that fridge for only Force knows how long! NOT EVEN THE SITH WOULD BE CRUEL ENOUGH TO DO THAT!"

Carth threw his arms up in frustration. " I THOUGHT we were OVER that!"

" Oh, that little incident will haunt you for the rest of our time together, Onasi! The only way I'll ever forget that would be if someone lobotomized me in my sleep and removed the chunk of my brain that held the memory!" I paused for a second. " Well, there's no way in hell I'm ever going back to the clinic here…you and Zelka'll probably gang up on me and turn me into a vegetable."

" I wouldn't do that, even if it would make you shut up about it! I thought you'd realize that I have more integrity than-"

" Oooh, don't you 'integrity' _me,_ Carth Onasi!" I poked him in the chest, a deep scowl planting itself on my face.

" So…how long have you two been married?"

Both Carth and I stared at Dia incredulously for a few moments, totally taken aback at her question. I turned my back to Carth, crossing my arms angrily. " We're not married."

Dia seemed confused at my reply. " Are you sure? You sound like a couple to me." I cocked an eyebrow and held up my left hand.

" You see a ring on _any_ finger on this hand? No. Didn't think so." I snorted. " We're just forced to work together for the _time being_ is all." I looked at Carth haughtily. " Now, if you're ready to be _civil_ about things, I believe the cantina would be a good place to begin our search."

" Yeah, right." Carth snorted, giving me a nasty glare. " You probably just want to get drunk."

I raised my eyebrows. " And? You gotta point there, flyboy?" I took his lack of an answer as a cue to continue. " So c'mon, let's go already." I turned to Dia, giving her a warm smile. " Don't worry. I'll talk to Holdan for you." She smile and nodded in return, then my ass was out that door. The crazy Duros seemed to have buggered off for the time being, so I took the opportunity to sprint to the elevator before I was forced to encounter the blue freak again. Carth and I were completely quiet for a while; the tension was thick enough to cut with…something you cut things with. It wasn't very fun. For some reason, I felt the need to relieve some of the tension. Silly, silly me.

" Hey, Carth?" No answer. That really didn't help me out. " I have some questions for you."

He gave me a sideways glance. " Really."

" Don't be snide with me, damnit! It's just a few questions, so get over it already."

" I should get over it? You're the one who starts everything!"

" Listen you-" I cut myself off, and took a deep, calming breath. " Look—we're probably going to be stuck with each other for quite a while, and I just thought it would be a lot more bearable if we were friends, alright?"

Carth seemed to consider this carefully for a few seconds before replying. " You want to know more about me then, eh? Well, alright then. I've been a pilot for the Republic for more years than I care to remember. I fought in the Mandelorian Wars a couple years back." He paused for a second, then dropped his voice. " In all my years as a soldier, I've never seen _anything close_ to the slaughter those Sith animals unleash."

" …did you ever see Revan or Malak? During the Mandelorian Wars, I mean."

Carth nodded somberly. " Yeah…I saw Malak once, and I was quite impressed. To think that two of the best Jedi could fall like that…" Carth shuddered. " You know, I've heard some grim stories about the Dark Jedi interrogation techniques. They say the Force can do terrible things to a mind. It can wipe away you memories and destroy your very identity!"

" Harsh." The comment didn't mean anything…I just felt like saying something. You know, so he knew I was still listening or whatever.

" Yeah…but I figure if we don't do anything stupid, we should be okay. I mean, after all, they're…they're looking for Bastila, not a couple of grunts like us."

" Ha! Sucks to be her!"

Carth continued on, basically ignoring me. " My home world, Telos, was one of the first planets to fall to Malak's fleet. The Sith bombed it into submission, and there wasn't a damn thing our Republic forces could do about it!" Carth seemed quite distressed over it. I was about to say that he didn't have to tell me anymore, but he continued before I could talk, and I didn't have the heart to stop him.

" I'm just a soldier; I go where the fleet Admiral tells me to. I follow my orders and I do my duty. It just…" he sighed sadly. " It just doesn't seem right that doing that means I failed them! I didn't!"

I was confused by then. It almost seemed like he was talking more to himself than he was to me. And he seemed quite depressed over the subject as well. I put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

" Look, I'm sorry I even brought anything up. This is obviously upsetting you, so-"

" No." He shook his head slowly. " Don't worry about it. I just…must not be making much sense. You probably mean well with your questions. I'm just not accustomed to talking about my past very much. At all, actually."

" Wow. I feel special now." I gave him a gentle smile. He just gave me a blank look and continued.

" I'm more used to taking action…keeping my mind focused on the business at hand. So let's just do that. If you have more questions, ask them later."

As far as I could tell, Carth had just told me to shut my yap. I raised an eyebrow, but kept my questions to myself. There would be plenty time to dig information out of him _after_ I had drunk him under the table.


	5. Just Another Cantina Rat

CHAPTER #5: Everybody in the Club's Getting Tips-ay

We arrived at the Upper City cantina a few minutes later. Seeing as how this was Taris and all, I was hoping to see a better cantina. Why does it seem too much to ask for a few _male_ dancers in the cantinas? Oh, nooo…only women can be portrayed in a sexual way, not _men…_ heaven forbid! You can only keep the men and the lesbians happy! But for us heterosexual women, all we had for entertainment was to watch the men and lesbians drool over the Twi'Lek dancing whores. Blech.

Seeing as how there wasn't much to do, I made a beeline to the bar and ordered some Tarisian ale. To be completely honest, I was never really into the whole 'ale' thing, but that Tarisian shit was pretty good. And it got better the more you drank. I had finished half a bottle before Carth realized that we weren't getting much done.

" I thought you said we were going to try to find something out about Bastila here." I pouted as he stole the bottle of ail from me. He was incredibly adept at keeping it out of my reach.

" We _are_!" I took a swipe at the bottle, but he pulled it out of my reach again. I decided it would be best to give up for the time being, before I fell off the barstool. "Okay-let's go…uhh…do something." I wandered aimlessly into a random room. "You should try that ail, Carth, it's pretty damn good…"

" HELLO!" A creepily cheery man jumped in front of me, smiling a little too widely. " I can tell by your exotic appearance that you aren't originally from Taris!" A bit scared, I turned around to leave but was stopped by the death grip he had gotten on my wrist. Carth was nowhere to be seen.

" What do you think of the band?"

I spun around to look at the man, glaring daggers at him. " They suck more cock than your mother!"

The man, seemingly unfazed, continued on with his creepy smile. " Well, they are something of an acquired taste…"

" So is spice, you gonna try to push that on me, too?"

It was official: this guy was either incredibly stupid, or an accomplished scam artist. He laughed in a fake, salesman way. " My, you are a funny one. You know…" He pulled me closer to him, despite my struggling to get away, and began to whisper in my ear. "…I could get you in to meet the band, before they're famous, huh? You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

" Not half as much as I'd like to eat your heart to gain your delicious courage." I pulled out my small rape knife (always carry a rape knife- they're sharp and pointy, and concealable!) and put it to his chest. "Did you know that the human heart tastes exactly like chicken?"

The man let go of my wrist and subtly pushed me away from him. I laughed inwardly- threats of cannibalism always scared the scam artists away. He cleared his throat uncomfortably.

" What's the matter? You look a bit…_pale._" I smiled sadistically.

" I suddenly remembered that I…uhh…have to mow my mother's lawn! Bye!" With that, the weirdo bolted for the door, and crashed into Carth, who had magically appeared.

" Hey! Watch where you're going!" Carth gave the man a surprised glare. I sauntered over to him and hooked my arm in his. The man gulped audibly at my glare.

" I'm terribly sorry, sir! It was all my fault! Please forgive me!"

Carth raised his eyebrows, completely confused. " Uh…sure."

" Oh, thank you! Thank you!"

" SOD OFF!" I kicked the man in the ribs, and he scurried off into the crowd. Carth stared blankly into the crowd, the same lost expression on his face.

"…what was that all about?"

" I told him I wanted to eat his heart, and that it was going to taste like chicken."

Carth gave me a look that could only be described as a combination of amazement and disgust. " You're a disturbed one, you know that?"

I smiled sweetly. " Yes. But it's nice to hear it coming from someone else." Taking advantage of the moment, I grabbed the bottle of ale from Carth and took a couple of quick steps away from him so he couldn't grab it back. " HA! SUCCESS!" Grinning triumphantly, I took a long swig, savoring his look of displeasure.

Two bottles later, I was fairly tipsy. Carth had given up on trying to stop me from getting drunk, and had decided it would be best to just watch over me to make sure I didn't do something incredibly stupid. I was stumbling along rather happily, striking up conversations with random people I thought could use a little conversation. Mostly people standing around in corners, by themselves.

I ran into a dude standing in the corner of the dancing whore room, and decided I would talk to him. " Heyyy…what's up, dude?" I leaned up against the wall to stop me from falling over. The guy looked me over, and decided he might get something out of talking to me.

" Hey. My name's Yun Genda. Who are you?"

I blinked lazily. " Uh...my name's…uh…Selora!" I nodded, feeling petty pride over remembering my name. " Yeah…that's it…" I felt like I deserved a cookie.

Yun smiled. " Well, you seem to be in high spirits. Most people on this planet are quite angry at the quarantine."

" Oh, I'm not from here. Oh no no…" I shook my head a little too profusely, and in a streak of non-thinking, shook my head more to try to dispel the dizziness. Needless to say, it didn't work too well. I did a good job of hiding it, though.

" I would have thought that you off-worlders would be even more angry with the quarantine, being stuck on an alien world and all."

" Nahhh…the aaaalllle is gooood…heh heh…I'm haaaaaapy…" I paused for a moment. " You're a ….Si…Si…Sith?"

He nodded, obviously amused with me. "Yeah, I'm a junior Sith officer." His expression grew a bit annoyed as he launched into a rant. " I really don't appreciate the hostility of these people. I mean, it's not like I asked to be stationed on this backwater planet! This sucks! I thought being a Sith would be cool! I thought I'd get to kill people! But all I've been doing is walking around, looking at people glaring at me! But…" He sighed. " I try to keep positive about it. It's all I can really do."

" That's RIGHT! It'sss…all 'bout the 'tude, man! Gotta keep it…positive! Yeah!" I took a drink from my third bottle of ale before offering it to him. He smiled and took the bottle.

" That's right! It's all about the attitude, I say." He took a drink from the bottle and smiled at me. " You know, it's good to talk about these things. It gets pretty lonely up at the base…"

The way he said it kind of creeped me out, but I didn't particularly care at the moment.

" A couple of us junior officers are throwing a party, you know, to let off some steam." He smiled at me in an almost perverted way. " I'd really like to see you again. You wanna come to the party?"

I thought about it for a second. " Yeah, sure. Draw a map. I won't remember if you don't." He grabbed a napkin and drew a simple map on it.

" Here. Hope to see you there." With that, he walked off.

" Hey! Give me back my ale, you bastard!" But, alas, he had already disappeared into the crowd. Carth strode up and grabbed me by my arm to prevent me from running off to find Yun.

" What'd he want?"

I smiled and handed the map to Carth. " It's a…party or something. I think. Tomorrow. Right _there._" I pointed to the map and smiled goofily. " Right _there._"

" Okay, Selora, I think you've had enough to drink." He shoved the map into his pocket and slung one of my arms around his shoulders so I could walk. " Let's get back to the apartment."


	6. Sub Chapter Drunken Stroll

HOLY CRAPOLIE! HOLY EFFING BANTHA SHIIIIT! runs around tearing her hair out OHHH! I am in BIG SHISHI! crouches in a corner like a scared animal I know it's been a while….QUITE a while…since I've updated this story…I HAVE A GOOD EXCUSE! You see, I had about two more chapter written up and was about to put them up, but my family decided to move the computer into the garage because we were getting anew computer and I was going to put the old computer in my room but in order to do that I would have to clean my room and THAT, my friends, is a HORRIFYINGLY HUGE task to undergo so, I did the only thing I know how to do when faced with a huge task such as that…I procrastinated. And my laziness should not cause other's suffering and sadness (especially those who like my story, which actually came as a surprise to me O.o) Anyhoo…I is SO VERRRY sorry…bows please forgive me! I shall post this instead…not really a vital part of the story, and I'm just writing it quickly while sitting in the town library, so please….don't hurt me…whimper

I know it's a bit late…sniffle…but I want to give a big THANKIES to EVERYONE who reviewed! It made me feel special! sniffle - 3 3 3 to everyones who did, 'specially to those who added me to their faves! I LURVE YOU! falls over in a drunken stupor my mouth tastes like metal forks! .

DISCLAIMER: I own NOTHING! grumble grumble

WARNING: RANDOM DRUNKEN STUFF!  
…you have been warned…

Carth dragged my drunken ass out of the cantina and back to the apartment. You have to understand, as I said before, I had a lot of that ale that night. A LOT. To be honest, I really don't remember much of anything, so I'm just going on what Carth told me happened that night. So, if there seem to be any huge discrepancies, personality wise, you can tell that that's where Carth was lying to my face and hoping I wouldn't catch it. I DID, ONASI! …but enough of that…

It was a cool night on Taris that night, and relatively quite in that section of the city. All the 'proper' cantina patrons had left hours ago, and all the 'hardcore' cantina patrons had a couple of hours to go. There was only the random Sith patrol skulking about the Tarisian streets, most likely mumbling to himself about how much he hated this planet blah blah blah poor me I need to get laid blah blah blah. Besides that, it wasn't very often Carth and I ran into other people. This created a bit of a problem, since, evidently, I get quite loud and obnoxious when I'm drunk.

" OOOH! Look at the pretty shinies!" I cried, stumbling my way over to a jewelry store window and planting my face against the glass like a child looking at a particularly enticing toy or candy. " I wanna get that, Carth. Get that…" I tapped the glass with my finger clumsily and smiled. " Sparkly..heh heh…"

"That's very nice, Silora. Let's go now." He took me by the arm and gently pulled me away from the window.

"Bye byes, my pretty!" I called after the necklace. Let's just ignore the fact I was talking to an inanimate object-BEHIND glass, for that matter-like it was a living creature. It still creeps me out. Anyway, Carth pulled me along at a rather fast pace, considering how drunk I was. I suddenly stopped and looked up at the sky. It was a clear night and the stars were shining like diamonds in the sky. I sat down in the middle of the street and looked up in awe. "It looks so much pretty when you're down here…get's…get's borng…boring when your on a ship all teh time…it's all you see." I explained, slurring almost every word that came tumbling out of my mouth. Carth tried to get me to stand, but I insisted on remaining where I was, exactly how I was. Giving up, Carth sat down beside me and took the liberty of stargazing along with me.

" It reminds me of Telos…" he said quietly. Even in my piss-assed state I could detect the profound sadness in his voice. I randomly reached out and hugged his arm.

" Efrything'sssss gonna be awright, Carthie. Don'tchoo wurry 'bout nuthin. As long as we haff pie, we haff happipeness." I paused for a second. "And ale. That ale really good is it? You should try it. Try it. Go and try it."

Carth chuckled. " You really are drunk, aren't you?"

I smiled stupidly. " Yeah…pie's good, though." I stopped smiling suddenly. "I no feel so good…"

Carth gave me an alarmed look. "Please don't vomit on me."

I snorted. "I hold my liquor better than _that_ you nerf herder!" I punched him weakly on the shoulder and lost my balance, which caused me to fall face-first into his arm. "Owch. That kinda confushed me."

He grabbed me by the shoulders and righted me. I smiled at him quite drunkenly.

"You know, you're kinda cute…" I blathered. "Your eyes are pretty brooooown cow goes mooooo……" I laughed giddily to myself. "French cow goes le mooooo…fetchez la vache! Heehee…"

I think it was about this time Carth began to wonder if I had more than just ale that night. I assured him it was only ale, although I wasn't too sure myself…crap. Now I have to wonder…

"I think it's time we got back to the apartment." Carth got up to a crouch and slung one of my arms over his shoulders, reaching his other arm around my waist to support me. All the while I let out drunken protests.

"No! I don't wanna go back there! There's too much not there…ness…nooooooo!"

"You're not making any sense." He stated bluntly. I guess I was starting to wear on his nerves. I really don't blame him. "I think it's about time you got to bed so you can sleep this alcohol off and get back to finding Bastila."

I narrowed my eyes. "Bastila, Bastila, Bastila! All you care habout ish Bastila! What about _me?_ Am I not _good_ anuf for you or sumthin? Just gonna…gonna…gonna drop me like that?" I attempted to snap my fingers. It didn't work too well. I tried maybe four more times, but to no avail, seeing as show the ale made my hands about as nimble as a small child wearing huge winter gloves. I gave up and let my arm fall limply to my side. "I thought we were _friends_!"

"Oh god, not the crying…" Carth lamented, looking towards the heavens. "Please don't cry…I never know what to do when girls start crying…"

" That's because you don't LUV me!" I cried randomly. "Why do you hate me?" I had (apparently) started sobbing by now. Carth rolled his eyes, exasperated.

"Look, I don't hate you, okay? Now stop crying before you start to attract attention…"

"So you don't want to be seen with me now?" I managed to pull my arm off his shoulders and stagger a few steps away. I pointed at him…well, in his general direction, anyway… angrily. "Fine then! I'll make it on my own." With a small sniff, I turned around and walked a couple steps before almost falling over the thigh-high railing. I would have fallen to my death, too, if Carth hadn't grabbed my flailing arm just in time and pulled me back into his embrace. I guess I settled down pretty well there, because I just hugged him and muttered something akin to 'You smell pretty' or something along the lines.

Yeah.

I was really drunk, wasn't I?

Anyway, Carth and I just stood there for a little while before he pulled away and looked me in the eyes.

"Are you going to come back to the apartment with me now?" I nodded languidly.

"Whatever you say, milord." I giggled like a spice addict. Carth shook his head before helping me along again.

"Promise me one thing, Silora…"

"Wha you want from me, flyboy?"

"…promise me…" We stopped and he turned to look me straight in the eye. He really did have pretty eyes…

"Wha?"

"Promise me you'll never get drunk on this planet again."

"Okay." I held up my pinky finger. "I'll even pinky swear for youuuuu…"

He took my pinky with his and shook.

"Alright then. Let's get back to the old apartment."

"Whaeva you say, man."

That's when I threw up.

At least it didn't get on either of us.


	7. OMG! SHOPPING!

(okay, this is really just a shameless way to get some feedback…I do enjoy reviews! I run home every day just to check my email to see if I got any new reviews because I have no real friends and that's the only thing in my life that gives me true happiness (cries in a drama-queen-ish way)…not really, but I do love them, and I have seen authors who reply to every review they get and I was all like "wow! That's what I should doooooo!" and then I ran off to the kitchen to get a piece of cake. And now, the part where I will start to answer reviews, even when they don't want answers, because I know you just have unasked questions that you just _have_ to get answered and whatnot. EEEENJOY!)

FROM CHAPTER ONE:

**Danceswpenguins9:** yes. Yes I am a genius. (not an inflated ego there on my part cough cough). I'm really glad you enjoyed it, and keep reading and reviewing and laughing in capital letters! I like dancing with penguins too, and they're always dressed for the occasion!

**Louiseifer:** Yes, the title of my story does suck. Very much so. But, you see, it was all just a plot to lure unexpecting people like you, and suck their brains out with my diabolical story of storiness! BWAHAHA! I am a very odd person indeedydoodypoodle, and it is only reflected in this story, like the story itself was a mirror that reflects my personality like mirrors..umm…reflect things. And…yeah. Perhaps Revan shall be dark side, I dunnoooooooooo….(dun dun DUNN!) I might write dual ending type thing where there's a good ending and a bad ending…not too sure, but it might happen…(and DUN again)

**Queenofinsanity:** Three fanfics? (starts writing more) I is jealous that you have that much creative juice running through your brain…I shall steal it and eat it to gain your delicious knowledge!

**Tara230:** Wait…setting the house on fire is MY job!lol! I glad you find me Revan funny. Me do too! Text faces are always fun, except they no longer work in the site for me (and probably other people too I hope, or else the site just hates me and that would make mucho sadness) or else I would put some here, but seeing as how that wouldn't work, it would be redundant to do so. KEEP RAMBLING ON, YO!

CHAPPIE TWO! (you know, you CAN skip this if you want to…)

**Arrakis Nymph:** She does have attitude, doesn't she? (sits back and reads the story) yup. I'm glad you like it. I'm sure she enjoys it as well:P…well, I'm sure she would if she wasn't just a fictional character in a random story…just a creepy hellspawn of my imagination…SCROLL DOWN AND YOU SHALL SEE MORE! IT'S A MIRACLE! (poof sparkle sparkle) Keep reading, yo.

**Odious Feline:** I liked the 'holy effing gamorean shit' thing too. I sat back and gave myself a pat on the back and a nice piece of cake for that one, and I'm glad you enjoyed it :P At this point in time, I believe I suffer from video game withdrawal at school. I dunno, but my blood itches like there's a million little gizka playing volleyball with my leucocytes while lounging around on my red blood cells and drinking pina coladas. It wouldn't be so bad if they gave me one….

**Tara230:** Hey, what can I say…my story is better than social class!…wait…is that really saying much? (shrugs) meh. As long as you enjoyed it!

CHAPTAH THREE: (seriously. If you didn't review, you won't find your name here, but if you review for this one…not about the reviews…well, if you wanted to I guess you could…regardless, if you review, YOUR name would be here!…well, not HERE, exactly, but…you know what I mean.)

**Louiseifer:** Wow! You're the only one who reviewed chappie three! While I'm happy you did, I'm sad that more people didn't…oh wells! Yeah, Carth needed a sense of humor, otherwise he'd be as dry and boring as…ermm…I dunno…something you'd find under the couch, I guess. I dunno…I'm not going to look under the couch right now because I'm busy typing this and the couch is in a different room.

CHAPTER 4: Ignored. (sniffle)

CHAPTER FIVE ALIVE: (damn. This is taking longer than I thought it would…)

**Sarah:** you laughed your ass off? Well, I hope you had luck in reattaching it, otherwise that might not only be embarrassing, but uncomfortable as well, since people normally use their asses primarily as cushions. I know I do:P

**ShadowFlame68:** Looking at how much I've written, and how much I'm still gonna have to write…(shudders) well, I hope you stay reading this story until the very end, which will probably be..ohh…(looks into the distance)…around next year…or the year after that…I unnoes. If you have suggestions, feel free to give me a shout, yo! ..that goes for everyone else out there, too. Especially you cheap bastards who don't review! (shakes fist)…just kidding. I luv yous all!

**Tara230:**..I am evil, aren't I? (insert evil laugh here)

**Queenofinsanity:** You will read more when I UPDATE! BWAHAHAAAA! Until then, I'm afraid you'll be left in the dark with nothing more to do than wonder what crazy, stupid, brilliant things I shall put into my next chapter….(whispers) if you have any good ideas…tell me. Ciao!

**Amme Moto:** Domo arigato meester roboto domo….domo…I shall update! You just watch me! XD

CHAPTER SIXSIXSIXSIXSIIIIIXXXXXX! (after this, the story begins, I swear.)

**Louiseifer:** I'm updating as I speak! Teeheewheebeeboopwhooplegronk!

**Jackie**: I'm glad you love my story! It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside to know some people think I'm doing a good job!

**Sarah:** I know, it took me a long time to update, I'm sorry (bows). But now, I shall update ONCE AGAIN! But, you gotta admit, you loved the suspense…'will she update? How about now? HOW ABOUT NOW?' teehee XD

**Lacthryn18:** Damn! I have to write funnier shit to actually make you cry with laughter next time! (puts a metal pasta strainer on her head and wraps her arms in tin foil) COME ON DIVINE INSPIRATION! I AM NOW READY FOR YOUR INSPIRATION! I AM FULLY CONDUCTABLE! …(gives up) I guess I'll have to use my stupid _brain_… (grumble grumble) Continue to enjoy or I shall eat your soul!

**Li'l Red Ace:** …and here's the next chapter now, free of charge! No waiting! Just…SCROLL DOWN! (glitter falls from the roof) TADAA!

**Darth Bongo:** You'll throw shoes at me? Good! I need more shoes to build my machine I shall use to TAKE OVER THE WORLD! BWAHAHAAA!

And guess what peoples? THIS IS THE END! I believe I have answered them all. If not, I'm sorry. A shout out to all the peeps who have read the story thus far but have not reviewed. And, REVIEW DAMNIT! I like to hear from you peoples! XD This coming from a person who had submitted a grand total of one review…meh. At least I know I'm a hypocrite! XD Yeah…if you have any idea of…like…romantic pairing and whatnot, please feel free to tell me. And, if you have an opinion of what planet they should go to next, TELL ME because I really don't know…I've always just popped on down to Tatooine after Dantooine.

And now, for the STORY! YAAY!

After the disclaimer, of course.

DISCLAIMER: I no own anything. You leave me alone now.

Apparently, **CHAPTER SEVEN!- OMG! SHOPPING!**

I woke up the next day, feeling like death warmed over. In a microwave, at that. Not a nice convection oven, like you get with Corellian brandy. No, this was the kinda warmed-over death which makes you wish you had actually died the night before. I had a migraine again. My mouth was dry and tasted like death itself and been frenching me in my sleep or something. Vomiting could be seen in my near, if not immediate, future. I slowly sat up, groaning. Once again, Carth was already up, and was reading some form of newspaper while sipping a cup of caffa. He looked up at me and just shook his head, chuckling to himself. I scowled the best I could at the moment.

"Shut up, Onasi." I threw the covers off of myself and shuffled off to the bathroom to brush my teeth. "I am NEVER doing that again. Ever. Never ever. Never never ever never EVER." Brushing my teeth helped a bit, and I decided to have a nice shower as well. After a quick run to a convenience store, that is. There was absolutely no soap, shampoo _or _conditioner anywhere in that bathroom. I had already undressed, so I just walked around the apartments in a towel. I laughed to myself at the strange glances people gave me as I walked by, wrapped in a purple towel. I darted in to the nearest store and wandered around until I had found proper soap, shampoo and conditioner. I also picked out a nice chocolate bar for myself and some yummy smelling bubble bath. I shoved it all on the counter and perused the small selection of magazines as the teller rang everything up.

"That'll be…thirty credits."

I blanched. While my outfit was…trendy…it didn't exactly have pockets. I gasped.

"Oh no…I don't have any credits on me…" Then an idea hit me. "The wrist communicators!…SHIT!" I had taken that off, too. I sighed pitifully. "I'm sorry, I don't have an credits on me…obviously." I mumbled angrily. "I'm such an airhead sometimes, I swear…what're you looking at?" I gave the check-out boy an odd glance as he checked me out. I half expected his tongue to come rolling out of his mouth.

"I think I might have a deal for you, ma'am…"

I looked around to make sure the place was empty. "Okay, what?"

"I'll make you a deal…you go on a date with me, I'll buy this stuff for you."

"Deal!" I didn't even think about it twice. If this little freak wanted a date, I'd take him on a date he'd never forget. Then, it hit me, and I couldn't help but smile evilly. "Hey, hows about I show you to an EXCLUSIVE party, little man? All the coolest people are invited!"

He snorted with glee, causing a little piece of me to die horribly inside. "You have a deal, lady!"

"Good!" I snatched the bag of items (for he had been shoving them in those cheap plastic bags as I spoke), and smiled. "I'll meet you here in about…two hours, okay?" He nodded as I sauntered off to the door. "See ya!" I winked as I walked out of the door, making sure to wiggle my ass 'sexily'. Yeah. There was a definite spring in my step on the way back to the apartment. I walked in the apartment and threw the Cosmic magazine I shoplifted at Carth. He twitched, but managed to grab it before it fell to the floor. Confusion spread across his face as he looked at the cover.

"Why'd you throw this at me? This is a woman's magazine." He looked up at me and froze as soon as he saw what I was wearing. His mouth opened and closed a couple times before he was able to choke anything out. "You…you do have something _underneath_ that, don't you?"

I huffed. "Now that you mentioned it, that probably would have been a good idea. I can be so absent-minded sometimes!" I giggled a little as a faint blush rose in Carth's cheeks, and he promptly opened up the magazine and pretended to look at it.

"You, uh…got the stuff?"

"Yup!" I grabbed the shampoo and opened the bottle, inhaling deeply. "Ahh…smells like…" I looked at the bottle. " Apparently, 'spring on Naboo'…" I sniffed the bottle again. "Ahhh…" I wandered off to the bathroom, plastic bag hanging from my arm, smelling the shampoo. I'm sure Carth thought I was quite retarded by that point.

I burst into the bathroom and looked around, hoping it wasn't in such a dismal state as when I had left. I was horribly disappointed. "Psh! Where are those bathroom-cleaning fairies when you need them?…or are they gnomes? Now they'll NEVER come!" I wailed, setting up the shampoo and conditioner on the little ledge in the bathtub. Carth knocked on the door.

"Are you okay?"

I spun around to face the closed door. "Yes! Yes, I'm fine!" I put the bubble bath under the sink. "Hunky-fucking-dory! Now go away!"

He mumbled something before stalking away from the door. I hummed to myself as I got the taps running and started the shower.

"La lala la LLAMA!"

…it was a normal shower. No need to get into detail. This isn't porno. If it was, it sure as HELL wouldn't be free.

I climbed out, smelling like 'spring on Naboo', and dried myself off (like any sane person does after they get out of the shower). It was then I realized that I needed a new wardrobe. Grumbling, I shoved on the soldier's uniform I had from the Endar Spire and shuffled out of the bathroom, drying my hair with a towel. My whole head was covered with the towel, so I held one arm out to (hopefully) prevent me from running into something (like a wall) and causing a rather embarrassing scene. I stopped in the middle of the room and rubbed my hair furiously for a few seconds before flinging the towel off in a random direction. Unfortunately, Carth just happened to be in that random direction, and got a face full of wet towel just as he looked up from the magazine. He had been sitting in what looked like a dining room table, his legs propped up on the table itself. When the towel whacked him in the face, it stuck. I think it scared him, because I heard a muffled yell and watched, horrified, as he lost his balance and fell over backwards. It was like I was frozen in time while he was falling, because as soon as he had, I could move again. I ran over to him and grabbed the towel, flinging it behind me. I couldn't help but laugh at his shocked expression. I tried to repress it, but it didn't work, and I only ended up sounding like a moron, guffawing like I was. I offered him one of my hands, since my other one was too bust covering my mouth to try and stifle my laughs. Still in shock, he grabbed my hand and I helped him up. That's when I fell on the floor, unable to contain my laughter anymore. He just stood there and scowled at me as he crossed his arms over his chest. It was a few minutes before I was calmed down enough to talk.

"I'm so sorry, Carth! I didn't mean to-"

"Yeah. Whatever." He replied tersely, picking up the chair. "Why would anyone in the right mind just throw a towel around like that?" He sat down again, his face beet red. I felt so bad…

But not bad enough to stop laughing. I went over and gave him a friendly hug, despite the fact he was trying to push me away.

"Aww, come on, Carth! I didn't do it on purpose! I'm just not used to living in the same area with another person! I always fling tings around like that! Clothes, pillows, more clothes, towels, blankets…you name it, I've flung it. Except for liquids and shit. Those things I don't fling." He gave me an angry look. I stopped smiling and sat down on the floor in front of him. I let my head hang a little so I could look up at him through my eyelashes and fluttered them.

_This always works!_

" I'm _really_ sorry, Carth. Can you forgive me?" I pouted a little and dropped my sight to my hands, which were sitting in my lap, and sniffled a little. I heard him sigh.

" People make mistakes, I guess…"

I snapped my head up, a wide smile on my face. "Great! I'll take that as a yes!" I jumped to my feet as Carth sputtered in objection.

"Wha-! I never-!"

" We have things to do, places to go! Come on!" I grabbed his hand and dragged him to his feet and out of the door. " Okay, when I went to the store, I didn't have any credits, so I promised this snot-nosed kid that I'd take him to an exclusive party if he paid for everything-"

"You did WHAT?" Carth roared. I looked at him like a frightened cat. You know, completely still, a little hunkered over, eyes as wide as they can go…

" Settle, Carth, settle!" I let out a little sigh before continuing to drag him along behind me. "Remember that Sith party I was invited to?"

Carth raised an eyebrow. "I'm amazed _you_ remember it…"

"Right." I gave him a smack on the back of the head. "Don't be a smartass. Anyway, that's where were going to take this kid. It's been about one hour since I left there, so that means we have an hour to shop."

Carth stopped dead in his tracks. "Did you just say…_shop_?"

"Psh, duh! You think I'm going to a party dressed like some sort of stinky, loser Republic soldier? What the hell's wrong with you?" I smacked him on the back of the head again, causing him to cry out. But in a very manly way, of course.

"Would you stop hitting me?" He rubbed the back of his head.

"..No." I smacked him upside the head again. "Not unless you stop sniveling like a spoiled baby."

He started to protest, but just then I spotted the cutest looking shop ever. "We _have_ to go in there!" I squealed while grabbing his hand and barreling in the door. He had no clue what was going on and almost got raped by the door when it closed. He jumped out of the way just in time, and gasped as he looked around.

"…what the hell kind of shop is this?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "MY kind of shop!" I swear to the Force that my eyes were sparkling as I looked at all the prettyful black clothing. I ran up to a rack and pulled off a little black dress with red lacing up the front and sleeves. "OH! I should try this on!" I excitedly picked out some more clothes and ran back to a change room. I put the dress on and admired my reflection. One good thing about being a soldier was that you could wear tight clothes without looking like a fat skank. I jumped out of the change room and posed for Carth. "So, what'cha think?"

He gave me the most blankest look you've ever seen. In fact, I don't remember him blinking. He just kinda stood there like he was in a drug-induced catatonia.

"Uhhh..okay then…" I gave him a weak smile before baking up, back into the change room. I closed the door and put my back against it. "Okay…that didn't go over too well…" I put on a different dress with a low v-neck lined with pretty flowy ruffles. It had a corset-like top, and went into a black and red pleated-type skirt. It had long sleeves with more prettyful ruffles at the bottom of the sleeves. I adjusted it so it fit perfectly and tried it again. I burst out of the change room (yes, BURST) and id another pose. "How's about this one, then?…Carth?" I walked over and smacked him on the cheek. "Taris to Carth, Taris to Carth, do you read, over?"

He blinked in a surprised sort of way and turned away, eyes on the floor, a slight blush rising to his cheeks. "Yeah, it's…" He gave me a quick glance before looking at the floor again. "…it's fine." He rubbed his cheek. "That hurt you know…"

"What did I say about whining?"

He shut up pretty quickly. I couldn't help but let the smug smile spread across my face. "That's a good Carth." I went off and grabbed a few more items off the racks before sauntering up to the counter. The droid rang everything up.

"That will be 725 credits."

"SEVEN HUNDRED AND TWENTY-FIVE CREDITS?" Carth sputtered.

"No, seven hundred twenty five credits. There is no 'and' in there." I said coolly. "And don't worry, Carth." I pulled a credit card out of my pocket. "Charge it to this account." The droid swiped the card and bagged everything.

"Your clothes, sir."

I snatched the bag. "I'm a woman."

"Please take your card, sir." The droid held out the card I had swiped from a random dude at the cantina. I took the card back.

"I swear to god, if you call me 'sir' one more time, I'm going to kill your droid ass."

"Have a nice day, sir."

That was it. I grabbed my vibroblade and rammed it through the droid's head. Pulling the blade out, I re-sheathed it and walked out, Carth right behind me, worrying about everything.

"The police are going to be after you! …where's your uniform?"

I paused for a moment. "…on the change room floor." I could see that Carth was about to go on another one of his rants. "Don't worry about it, love. I've got everything taken care of." Within a few seconds, the store blew up most spectacularly. Shattered glass flew everywhere, and clothes went flying. I grabbed a couple cute shirts and pants as they floated back down to the earth. I turned and smiled at Carth. "See?"

He was in complete shock. His mouth opened and closed multiple times, but nothing came out. I cocked my head to the side.

"You're cute when you're speechless." I gave him a small smile. His face turned a bit red, and he averted his gaze to the store.

"I don't get it…why did you pay for it, then? How did you blow the place up?"

I raised my eyebrows. "I charged it because it wasn't my money, and the person I stole it from will probably cancel the card soon anyway. Meh." I pulled the card out and flipped it away. "Now to go down to the little shop to pick up that annoying kid who payed for all the shit i picked up." Carth was about to say something else, but the death glare i shot him shut him up real good. Silence sure can be golden sometimes. We reached the small shop and i waltzed right in.

"Oi! Checkout boy! Party time!"

The boy darted out of the 'Employee's Only' door, now dressed in what passed for the normal teenage clothes these days. I tried my best not to sneer. I heard Carth snicker a bit, and gave him a sharp elbow in the ribs. "Right, kid. Let's go." I began to walk out the door. "Oh, and no talking. Keep your mouth shut, and everything'll be peachy effing keen, mkay?" The boy gulped and followed behind at a respectable distance.

It didn't ake us long to find the party. All you had to do was follow the deep, rumbling feel of the bass. I felt the vibrations in my chest as we approached the door. It was open; smoke illuminated by the multi-colored fog lights streamed out of the open doorway, and i couldn't help but smile. I was back in my element. I have no clue where the dorky little kid went to, because i never saw him again after the party. Wait...now that i think about it, i really don't care. Anyhoo, I jumped right in and started dancing while Carth found a vacant chair and plopped himself down, grabbing a bottle of ale along the way. Everyone was drinking and talking about how strong the drink was and how much they thought they could drink and blah blah drink blah blah drunk blah blah. Before long, everyone was passed out on the floor from drinking too much. Big surprise there. I motioned for Carth to come over to where i was standing.

"Look at that!" I felt a triumphant smile cross my face. "Sith uniforms. What's say we snatch a couple of these, hmm? Could be useful." Carth and i each grabbed a bag and shoved a uniform into each. Slinging mine over my shoulder, i patted Carth on the arm. "Let's get back to homebase. We got a lot of crap to do."

He nodded in a most serious manner, and we walked off into the sunset.

Yeah, as if. We walked back to the apartments and slept after taking half a bottle of painkillers. Each.

As i laid there, i got to thinking...that has got to be the most boring party i had ever been to.

END OF CHAPTER

Yeah, i know, it was crappy. Meh. I've been uber busy with other things, and because i know i tend to ramble on for long periods of time, i thought i better cut this thing off before i begin to ramble on endessly and then pull a Jolee and forget what i was talking about just like every time you cancel conversation with him and i like cake and cheesecake and pie i should really work on my escaflowne fanfiction what was i talking about? Anyhoo...next chapter will be better. Well...it has the possibility of being better, anyway. G'byes! 3 3


	8. The Underpants I mean, Undercity

-1**CHAPPIE EIGHT: The Underpants…I Mean, City. The Undercity. That's What I Said.**

(see disclaimers on previous chapters.)

Holy crap on a stick made of crap, it's been too long since I've updated this…too long I've been starving to death and haven't died…I feel nothing--wait…never mind. (looks around shiftily) I am currently feeling like death (or, on the verge of said death, anyhow), so please excuse the crappiness of it all. If I do in fact die, I'll leave it up to you to extrapolate the ending. Because I have no clue.

Warning: This chapter may or may not having anything to do with underpants. I don't know, since I have not written it yet and I sure don't have this whole thing planned out like I probably should. Meh.

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The sun (presumably) shone through the gritty apartment windows with cheerful abandon. Regardless, the lights still had to be turned on so the lighting within the room was optimal. I stretched, yawning widely, then flung myself out of bed and bolted to the bathroom. Carth wasn't even up yet, so I don't know _why_ I was running, but I ran nonetheless. I had a nice shower (isn't that _nice_), and began to wonder why it was that my ears felt like they were filled with cotton.

"Ah, the party…" I mumbled to myself as I climbed out of the shower on all fours, since I had fallen down in the shower last week and nearly cracked my skull open. From that time forward I decided it would be safer for me to crawl out. "Man, that was a half-assed, shitty party." I grumbled, staring accusingly out to space. Damn space!

I got dressed and meandered out of the bathroom to see Carth still asleep. I went over and poked him on the shoulder. "You better drag your lazy ass the hell outta bed right now. We actually have something we need to do today." He groaned and rolled over, pulling the covers over his head.

"Just another ten minutes."

"Sure, if by 'just another ten minutes' you mean 'I'm going to get my lazy ass out of bed right this instant'. If that's the case, then I'm with you one hundred percent." When he didn't reply with some snarky remark, I grabbed my pillow and whacked him over the head with it. "You. Your ass. Out of bed. NOW."

He glared at me for a few seconds before pushing the covers off. He sat up and yawned, still managing to look pissed off all the while. Without a word, he groggily stomped over to the bathroom. You could almost see the little cloud of doom above his head. I laughed and ate some random food I stole from the party.

"Mmmm…random stolen food….."

About half and hour later, we were all ready to go.

"Suncreen?"

Carth checked the bag. "Check."

"Snacks?"

"Check."

"Slave children?"

"…what?"

"Never mind. Sith uniforms?"

"One for you and--- wait. What the hell? Why is there only one Sith uniform?"

I was greatly confused by this. "What do you mean? Didn't you grab one at the party last night?"

"What? I thought you said you had two!"

"Funny. I distinctly remember you grabbing one. In fact, I could swear that the memory was so clear, I could almost envision it as some typed words in a random fan fiction in a previous chapter…" I stated while stroking my imaginary beard. Carth was quite pissed off at the random turn of events.

"You're on spice, you know that? Anyway, we can't get to the elevator now! We only have one uniform." He motioned towards the bag. Something fun and shiny caught my eye.

"Hmmm…you know, I think I have a plan…."

(dun dun DUNN)

"I really don't like this." Carth whined as I dragged him along, hands cuffed behind his back. "I don't feel….safe."

"Aww, Carfy doesn't twust me?" I tugged on his arm a bit. "Afwaid I might take advantage of him, wittle Carfy-warfy?"

"Shut up!" He hissed. "Why couldn't I be the one in the Sith uniform and you be the one in handcuffs?"

"Ooh, kinky are we?" I laughed. "Just kidding. There are two reasons why. First of all, this uniform fits me, so it probably wouldn't fit you. Second of all, you still have a Republic uniform. I threw mine out a while ago. It was the dumpiest piece of shit you've ever seen."

He seemed a bit insulted at this, like he thought the uniforms were the best thing ever. Sure enough, he began a nice little rant about what high quality blah blah blah Coruscantian cotton fibre blend blah blah, so on and so forth. It really started to get annoying, so I gagged him with a random piece of material I found in the uniform. It was great.

I dragged him along (most harshedly, I assure you…is harshedly even a word?) until we were standing right in front of the elevator. The Sith guard motioned for us stop.

"You're obviously a Sith." Yeah. The uniform was a dead giveaway, apparently. Nobody but a Sith could possibly be in the uniform…stupid bastard. "What business do you have in the Lower City?"

"I'm supposed to feed this Republic scumbag to the Rakghouls in the Undercity." I explained, taking great glee in the way my voice was altered by the uniform…oooh, evil sounding.

The guard nodded while laughing maniacally. He shouldn't have done that. It looked stupid. "Alright! You better be careful though. That place is infested with them. Stupid rakghouls. I wouldn't even think about going down there without some serum."

"Mmmm…syrup…" I almost started drooling.

"No, _serum._" He shook his head, like he was shamed or something. "Anyway, off you go." The elevator opened with loud, questionable squealing noises and I shoved Carth in. I gave the guard a small wave before waltzing in after Carth. The doors closed (again, in a very questionable manner, accompanied by sounds of impending, plunging doom) and the elevator began its dark descent. I took the gag off of Carth and was immediately set upon by a whole plethora of evil words.

"You better watch yourself, Onasi. Let's not forget who's in handcuffs and who isn't." I brandished the gag in a threatening manner and he shut his yap. "Good. Now, let's get you out of said constraints." I pulled the special key card out and swiped it through the card swipe thingy. The handcuffs instantly deactivated and fell to the floor of the elevator with a resounding clank.

"Wow…that clank sure was resounding, especially seeing as how we're in an elevator and whatnot." I observed before taking off the Sith uniform. I had put on a suit of light armour on underneath it. I didn't want people to think I was really a Sith. I shoved the uniform back into my backpack but kept the blaster out.

"Do you think we should keep that thing?" Carth inquired. " It looks heavy."

"I'm the one who'll be carrying it, so you don't need to worry about that." I informed him while I fixed my hair. Sith helmet hair was the worst. "Besides, it might come in handy at some point in the near future." We just kinda stood around, waiting for the stupid elevator to stop. I shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably, wishing I had x-ray vision and could see where we were going. "Suppose that this was just a decoy elevator and it actually just takes us into a bottomless abyss where we'll fall for the rest of eternity?" I posed the hypothetical question while gripping tightly to one of the handrails on the side of the elevator wall. Carth rolled his eyes.

"That's impossible. Besides, it wouldn't matter if we fell for the rest of eternity, because we'd probably die fairly soon in."

I shot him a gare. "How do you know it's not possible? Anything is possible with Barbie-- I mean, the Force! What if they knock us out with some horrible gas and take us to some secret laboratory where they'll do horrific genetic experiments until we're nothing but hideous mutants? Shells of our former selves, unrecognizable to anyone? What if they just decided to torture us until eventually we're nothing but mutilated corpses?" I was about to really get into horrible scenarios when a soft ding was heard and the door opened painfully. "Oh. Nevermind." We were about to step out when loud, random yelling was heard.

"Hidden Bek's SUCK! Black Vulcars totally rule, BITCH!"

"No way, n00b! Hidden B3k's'll p0wn J00!"

Then there was blaster fire and the metallic 'ting's of vibroblade on vibroblade until all the Hidden Beks were completely dead'ed.

"Well, it would seem that the B3ks were p0wned themselves." Carth observed, L337 and all.

"Indeed." We were spotted by the Black Vulcars, who advanced at us, weapons at the ready.

"We don't like outsiders infringing upon our territory, bitch!" Echo's of the word 'bitch' were heard coming from the other Vulcars. I snorted.

"Pishaw, you crackwhores. You suck anal lube and I'm totally going to PWN JOO!" I pulled out my vibroblade and attacked, Carth backing me up with blaster fire. We totally pwned them. Pwned them HARD. I wiped some of the blood off of my face and turned to Carth. "That was fun."

He gave me a questioning look. " 'You suck anal lube'? What the hell is that?"

"Don't judge me!" I glared before stalking off to a nearby door and looked at the alien guarding it (AU: sorry, forget what they're called). He stopped me from going in.

" :You go in, but cause no trouble. We don't want trouble in the cantina. You understand:"

"Yeah yeah whatever." I gave him a flippant wave and entered the cantina, resisting the urge to totally start dancing to the abfab dance music blaring within. I was above suck things in my moment of anger. Carth followed closely behind.

"Right." I said, turning to face him completely. "Let's just find out whatever we can, okay?"

"WHAT?"

"LET'S FIND SOME SHIT OUT!"

"OKAY!" He gave me a thumbs up before walking off. I rolled my eyes and went to the bar.

"Give me some ale!" I grabbed the bottle that was slid along the countertop at me and took a long swig. I surveyed my surroundings and watched as an electric blue Twi'Lek was confronted by a small group of aliens. It looked like fun. I mean, trouble. Carth wandered over and sat beside me. I made sure to keep my ale out of his reach. I pointed to the scene and he began to watch with interest. Amazingly enough, even with the blaring music and the previous thing where Carth couldn't hear me speaking while I was right in front of him, I could hear everything in the confrontation clearly. Immaculately so.

"Hey you, little girl, you shouldn't be here!" The leader of the small alien gang spat out. "Little girl leaves if she knows what's good for her, before little girl get hurt."

The Twi'Lek sneered. "Feck off, bug eyes! You're breath smells like shit from a large furry mammal!"

The alien was angered at this. "I totally going to kill you now, little girl!"

The girl rolled her eyes. "Zalbaar! Get your ass over here and pull the arms offa these little bastards!"

A large Wookie at a nearby table growled angrily. ":But Mission, I just got my food! I'm hungry, nay, _starving_. They'll be alive after I'm done. I can do it then.:"

Mission sighed. "But I won't be alive after! Just get up and do it already. God!"

With annoyed grumbles and whatever else you could describe the sounds Wookies make, Zalbaar got up and lumbered his ass over to his friend. He was frickin' tall. Mission had a smug smirk on her face, and the aliens seemed about ready to shit themselves.

"Wha? No! We have problem with girl, not with Wookie!" they cowered.

"Psh! You got a problem with me, you got a problem with Big Z!" I noticed that, what I took to be her slogan, rhymed horribly. She continued along. "So unless you want your arms ripped off, and then used to beat you into a pile of unrecognizable alien mush, I'd suggest you and your pussy squad run along now." The aliens did as they were told. The girl laughed "That was fun." Her eyes flashed in our direction. "hey, look Big Z! New people!" she skipped over to Carth and me. I chugged the rest of the bottle. Imminent death always looked much nicer after you were pissed out of your mind. I motioned for another bottle before looking back to her.

"Uh…hello." I gave her a weak smile, keeping the Wookie in my sight at all times. Mission smiled cheerfully. Deceptive little bitch….

"Hi! You must be new around here! I know everyone around these parts, and I've never seen you before! What brings you to the Lower City?" I took a long swill from my new bottle and shrugged.

"We're looking for a Republic soldier. She's a friend." I stated simply. Mission's eyes lit up.

"Oh! I heard some of the Hidden Beks talking about the Republic pods crashing in the Undercity! But the Black Vulcar's picked them clean." She shrugged. "Mebbe Gadon knows something about it."

"Gadon?" Carth echoed. "Who's that?"

"The leader of the Beks." Mission sighed while giving him the 'you're really stupid' look. I took another drink.

"Yaay. Let's go then." I said rather unenthusiastically. "The sooner we can get her to safety, the sooner we can leave, and the sooner I can get back to doing whatever the hell it was I did before all this started." I finished off my second bottle and stood up rather unsteadily, flipping the bartender the correct amount of credits. "Now let's get going before the ale catches up to me."

Mission shrugged and turned to Zalbaar. "Let's go exploring some more! Maybe steal from some of those Sith officers! That's almost entertaining."

":But Mission! I haven't eaten yet:"

"So take it with you! Geez, what are you, incompetent? Geez…" She huffed and walked off, Zalbaar following closely behind.

"That has got to be the strangest thing I have ever seen…a Wookie whipped by a little Twi'Lek girl…" Carth observed as he watched the pair saunter off into the crowded bar.

"Yeah. Concrete proof that women truly are the stronger sex." I pulled him along towards the exit. "Now let's go talk to that whatsisface dude now. About whatserface."

"You mean talk to Gadon about Bastila?"

"No. And you can shut up now, or I'll pWn j00."

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Alrighty! That's all for now! Is it just me, or is this turning into more of a parody? No matter. Hope you enjoyed, seeing as how it took me soo freaking long to do this update. Sorry 'bout that.


	9. Swoop Racezorz!

-1Chapter Nine: Swoop Races of DOOM!! (Dun dun DUNNNN!!!!….except for the swoop race part.)

Right. I finished this thing really quickly because it was much too long since i last updated, so if it's totaly crap, tell me and I'll rewrite it.

* * *

Carth and I wandered down a couple of feet to where a guarded door was installed in the wall. In the wall indeed. I knocked and waited, staring at the guard that was slumped against the wall.

"That guard is either sleeping or dead." I looked at Carth who gave me a questioning glance.

"What do you think we should do? Check her pulse?"

I shook my head and chuckled. "When presented with a situation such as this, there's only one thing to do." With that, I gave the guard a swift kick to the ribs. She cried out in pain and jumped to her feet. She gave me a sulky look while rubbing her side.

"That was rude."

"Open the fecking door, you 'tard." I spat angrily. She looked at me defensively. Carth looked at me like I was an insane homicidal lunatic. Which wasn't too far from the truth, actually. I smacked him upside the head.

"OW!" He rubbed the back of his head, giving me an angry glare. "What was that for?"

I shrugged. "I just realized that I hadn't hit you in a while. I missed it." I smiled sweetly before turning back to the guard lady. "Are you going to let us in or not?"

She sneered. "You two could be spies sent by the Black Vulcans!!"

"What are you, a stupid racist? First of all, who cares if the Vulcan is black?? Secondly, wrong genre. Thirdly, that's not even the right gang name, dumbass! And you're accusing me of being a spy? You're pathetic. Get out of my way." I spat on her shoes. She opened up the door, tears falling down her face. "Yeah, it sucks when people point out your shortcomings. Not that I'd know personally. I don't have shortcomings." Carth snorted. I elbowed him in the ribs hard before continuing. "Just shut up and die."

"Shouldn't you have said something constructive and comforting there?" She whimpered, wiping away her tears with a banana peel (don't ask). I laughed heartily.

"Probably, but I never was one for the mainstream. So shut up and die. You're pathetic." I gave her a small wave as the doors closed behind Carth and me. He turned to me, a concerned look on his face.

"Don't you think you went a little too far there? Maybe she has a really rough life! Maybe she's a single mother with seven children and she has to work twenty hours a day as a guard to make a living! You just broke her spirit!"

I spun around to face Carth. "Look dude, I think you're looking waaay to deep into this whole thing. Either way, I really don't care. Maybe she shouldn't have been such a slut and had seven children in the first place."

"What if it wasn't her fault!? What if-"

I cut him off by covering his mouth with my hand. "Look…shut your face. The past is the past. It can't be changed. Move on! Like a river, our lives flow onward, never going backwards. Embrace the flow! And bitch slap all the retards you flow past! I honestly think the only way this galaxy will ever get better is by mass purgings." I pursed my lips before shrugging. "Meh. Who cares. I live in my world, you guys live in yours. It's all good."

"I really don't think that's healthy."

"Oh, I'm sorry, did you say something? I was too busy having the time of my life in my own world! Too bad you're not invited, eh?"

"Hello! Who are you?" We both looked to see who we presumed to be Gadon smiling at us. It creeped me the hell out. I was about to answer when I was suddenly cut off by a horrible screech.

"SPIES! THEY'RE ALL SPIES!! BURNNN!!!"

"AUGH!" I flinched as a purpley-yellow Twi'Lek pulled out a huge blaster rifle and pointed it at Carth and me in a most disconcerting manner. Gadon rolled his eyes and buried his face in his hands.

"Shut up. They're not spies. Go away." He suddenly looked up and gave her a scrutinizing look. "You know, I don't even remember hiring you."

"What?? I've been working for you for at least eight years!!"

Gadon suddenly looked very angry. "You SPY!!" Every Bek member pulled out a blaster and shot the Twi'Lek to a pile of ash.

"Uhhh…" I tugged on Carth's sleeve and whispered into his ear. "These people are bloody crazy."

"That's rich coming from you." He muttered darkly.

"My point exactly." I replied while giving his ear a sharp tug. He flinched away and gave me an annoyed look.

"Why do you keep hurting me??"

"Because I get bored easily and hurting you is always entertaining. Now shut up and let me deal with the crazies." I said louder than I should have. I turned to face Gadon, who had a rather annoyed look on his face. "We need to find our Republic officer friend person…uh…Carth?"

"What?" He snapped.

"Geez, settle down. I just wanted to ask you what her name is. I forget."

"Bastila. Geez!" He rolled his eyes and I suppressed the urge to punch him in the stomach. It might have made me look bad to the crazies.

"Right. She was in the Republic escape pods in the Undercity that's full of rakghouls."

"Wait…how did you know that?" Carth asked, scratching his head. "I don't recall anyone saying anything about rakghouls."

"I read this flyer I picked up off some random dude walking down the hall a couple of minutes ago." I waved a colorful flyer that read 'The Undercity: Poverty, Disease, and More!' in his face. He slapped it away irritably before rolling his eyes.

"You're like a klepto."

"Here's your wallet." I held up his wallet in front of his face, smiling widely. He snatched it and shoved it back into his pocket, looking at me suspiciously.

"When did you steal that??"

"Uh, like, three days ago. You freak. I needed your I.D. to buy this." I held up a thermodetonator. He instinctively jumped back a couple of feet, a surprised look on his face.

"Why on Taris would you want to buy something like that!?"

I shrugged as I shoved it back into my pocket. "It was there and I had money. I like things that cause mass destruction." Carth and I kinda just stared at one another for a couple of minutes before Gadon cleared his throat forcefully.

"Ow…" he rasped out. "Anyway, He-Who-Used-To-Be-My-Underling got first dibs on the escape pods down there, and I heard he found a Republic officer and is offering her as a grand prize for the swoop races going on tomorrow."

"Right. Carth, you go find some mild cheddar cheese. Gadon, I need you to pick up some upholstery. I'll go find that elusive purple monkey. Ready? Go!"

They both looked at me like I was retarded. "What the hell are you talking about?" Gadon's face was screwed up in confusion. Carth shook his head.

"I think you've got something loose up there." He tapped the top of my head. I sighed angrily.

"Fine! We can do things YOUR way then!"

"Right." Gadon smiled. "I need that swifty-nifty Sith uniform you've got in exchange for these random papers that you'll need to get into the Undercity."

"Wait…why are we going to the Undercity?" I asked, puzzled.

Carth sighed irritably. "So we can find Mission and Zaalbar."

"Oh." I paused. "And why are we doing that?"

Gadon rubbed his eyes tiredly. "So you guys can get into the Black Vulcar's base! Weren't you listening!?"

"Yes!" They both gave me sarcastic looks. "Uh…no. No I wasn't. But it wasn't my fault. You guys are boring. But why are we going into the Black Vulcar's base?"

"To find the special swoop engine piece of super specialness! God!!" Carth threw his hands up into the air and aggravation. "You're so aggravating!"

"That was awkward wording!" I pointed my finger at him accusingly. "The word 'aggravating' was used twice, almost consecutively! You suck!!" I stuck my tongue out at him before turning to Gadon. "So why do I need that stupid swoop piece of specialness?"

"So you can race and win Bastila back!"

"NO!" I clasped my hands over my mouth. "Sorry. Terets. I meant to say something along the lines of 'whoo let's do this shit'." I glanced around quickly before pulling out the Sith uniform and throwing it onto his desk. "Give me the papers." He ruffled through some random papers in a drawer that was open the entire time and handed over a couple sheets of paper. Upon further inspection, they turned out to be cracked out doodles of dinosaurs wearing Sith uniforms eating Republic ships in space, which was full of misshapen stars and random streaks of fire. I shot Gadon a sarcastic look and pointed to the bottom of the sheet. "Oh look. It says 'death to the Republic', and the e's are even written backwards. Cute." I blinked a couple of times. "No, we need the real papers. Where are they?"

Gadon pointed to me. "They're in your hands. Right now."

I looked from the ugly doodles to Gadon, then back again to the ugly doodles. "You're serious." He nodded sagely. "Okay then. But if they kill us at the door, I'm coming back as an evil spectre and haunting you until you die, then I'm going to kill your soul." Gadon nodded again.

"I fully understand. Fully. Understand. Fully. Understand."

I tugged at Carth's sleeve and motioned towards the door. "I think he's stuck in a loop." Carth watched for a few seconds as Gadon kept repeating himself. Over and over. And over. And over.

"Riiiiight." We both backed up slowly until we were about a foot from the door, then we spun around and bolted. We didn't slow down until we were standing in front of the elevator to the Undercity.

I wiped my forehead, panting. "Holy jebus on a pretzel that was some freaky shit."

"Oh really?" The guard gave Carth and me a 'knowing' look and nodded. Carth stopped breathing entirely and I stared at the man like I had just walked in on him doing something inappropriate with some sort of animal.

"No, mister, you have it all wrong. So very wrong." I managed to choke out. I pulled out the papers and handed them over, resolving to put the misunderstanding behind in the past. The dusty corner of the past that you rarely tread upon. Only in rare, extreme moments of self-loathing, when you feel like dragging out everything dark, dank and disturbing from your past, would you look upon a moment such as that. The sort of moment you go to therapy for. Yes, it was shoved into that corner of my consciousness.

The guard examined the papers for a long thirty seconds. Well, it seemed longer than thirty seconds. That's what I meant. "Well, these seem to be authentic." Carth and I both scoffed. The guard hocked a loogie and passed the papers back to me while hiking up his pants. It was kind of awkward, since he was wearing a full Sith uniform. I was so lost in my thoughts about how he could see through all the phlegm I didn't even realize he was trying to hand the papers back. Carth snatched them and pushed me along into the elevator. The craptastic music brought me crashing back down to reality. I watched the doors slide closed, wondering why the hell this elevator was so much better than the other one.

"He said that these papers were only for the higher ranked Sith officers." Carth stated incredulously as he pulled out a pen and drew a moustache on the Sith dinosaur. "That's sort of pathetic, don't you think?"

"Good for us, if that's what we're up against." I took the paper and pen from Carth and drew a swastika on the dinosaur's forehead, along with the word 'PROOT' by it's posterior. I showed it to Carth. "Look! It would seem that the Republic ship didn't agree too well with the Sithosaurus!" We had a nice little chuckle before going silent. The elevator was rather short, and the doors slid open as two bags of peanuts fell from the roof.

"The hell?" I picked one up and examined it. "Thank you for travelling Taris Elevators?"

"Hey! This is OUR elevator!"

I quickly glanced up at two raggedly looking beggars that smelled like ass. "Oh. So you two must be the owners of Taris Elevators. In that case, I suppose I should bitch to you directly. No need to crap this up with the beaurocratic process. Your music sucks, the elevators are dirty, you don't offer any refreshments at all during the trip, you service is abysmal, and this bag of peanuts is already half eaten."

"That's where they went!" The other, more smelly beggar snatched my peanuts and began eating them. I was infuriated.

"Hey! Those were MINE, damnit!" I kicked the beggar in the face and, while he was down, triumphantly snatched the bag from his grubby little hands. "I win!!" I then proceeded to throw them out. "I'm not eating a half-eaten bag of peanuts. That's gross. Don't you think that's gross, Carth?" When I didn't get a snarky reply, I took a look around to see him, Mission and Zaalbar walking towards me, carrying what seemed to be a super special swoop piece of specialness. "You went and got that without me?" I pouted angrily. Carth shrugged.

"You were too busy bitching. I know how much you enjoy that. We also won the swoop race." Bastila popped out of thin air and walked up to me.

"I could've gotten out of there by myself! I was doing fine!"

"Uh, sure?" I shot Carth a confused glance. "Wait a minute, bitch. If you're just walking up to me and carrying that swoop piece of swoopy specialness, when did you go up to the Lower City or whatever to race, and why are you carrying that piece of crap around?"

Carth just shook his head. "We didn't. Geez, don't you pay any attention at all?" He sighed at my confused look. "While you were complaining, we won the swoop race, found this thingamabob, won the lottery, destroyed the universe, ate a blueberry muffin-"

"I had a lemon poppy seed muffin!" Mission chirped happily.

"You sure did." Carth replied dryly before continuing. "Zaalbar learned how to milk a cow, Jolee became Santa, Juhani had a hairball, and you died three years ago."

"Wait a goddamned minute!" I slapped my hand over Carth's mouth and glared at him. "Why did Zaalbar learn how to milk a cow when everyone knows that Wookies are lactose intolerant?? YOU LIE!"

"Alright,alright." Carth sighed, pulling my hand off his mouth. "This is what really happened. We were walking through the sewers after we had rescued Zaalbar from the Gammoreans when we saw other people who looked exactly like us. So, we followed them as they went through the Black Vulcar's base. They got to where the swoop engine part was, but they died, so we finished off the other people easily and stole the swoop piece."

"Then what about her?" I pointed to Bastila, who was looking around in disdain, wrinkling her nose at a strange smelly man trying to sell her computer spikes.

"Uh, I really don't know. She was just sorta there." Carth rubbed the back of his head. "Convenient, eh?"

I shook my head. "Convenient indeed. It's just LAZY. Lazy and sad." Sighing, I smacked Carth on the side of the head.

"OW!"

"Next time, don't do this, or so help me Force I will make you a eunuch." With that being said, I herded the newest members of the group into the elevator. "That's it. Back to the apartment we go. Maybe we'll get some high-quality story telling in the next instalment of WHATEVER THE TITLE OF THIS STORY WAS!!"

Bastila shot me a strange glance.

"Shut up. I hate you already."

_Right, so there you go. It got a little (cough cough A LOT cough cough) crazy at the end. Sorry about that. I'll probably do an alternative chapter at some point if you all think this is crap. Anyhow, I'm off to CALCULUS CLASS!!_


	10. Teh Coffee Shop Escapade

Chapter 9.5- A Short Jaunt to the Café 

Hey peoples! Man, I know it's been a while since I've written anything for this story, but there's a reason for that! I swear! I had a nice, long chapter written up somewhere, but I can't for the life of me find where I saved it to! ARGH! So, I decided to just do another filler-type chapter to hold you over until I finish scouring the stupid hard drive for my bloody story. Egh, damnit…

DISCLAIMER: N0 0wnag3 fr0m m3, 37c. L337 F7W!! -ahem-

All seven of us sat quietly at a small round table just outside the little coffee shop. Wait…were there seven of us? Huh…me, Carth, Bastila, Mission, and Zaalbar…yep, seven. It's a little known fact that Wookies count for three normal people. And smell as bad as three normal people. And eat as much as three normal people. And fart as much as three normal people. And…well, I'm sure you get the picture.

Bastila sipped her tea primly while Mission kept up a running commentary concerning the people passing by. Zaalbar grunted and groaned once in a while in reply, since neither Carth nor I were paying much attention. I was too busy thinking up ways to wheedle myself out of paying the bill. Carth just sort of stared blankly, occasionally taking a drink from his black coffee. Oh yeah. He was a risk taker.

"Oh! I saw that guy last night getting too close to one of the Twi' Lek dancers! He got booted out for that! And that girl slept with some guy named Bob, and now she's supposedly pregnant, but she also slept with Bob's brother Jim, and Jim's friend Steve, so they're not sure who the father is. Hey! I once saw that kid trying to break in to one of the apartments in the Lower City!"

It went on and on like that. It seemed that Mission had somehow heard every little piece of information about every citizen on the face of Taris. I was amazed she could remember it all. Amazed, but still greatly annoyed with her incessant chatter. Incessant chatter was MY thing, damnit!

"Would you SHUT your FACE, child!?" Everyone within a five meter radius stopped to stare at me, eyes wide with alarm at my outburst. "What're you looking at? What, you've never heard anyone yell at anyone in public?"

Carth grabbed me roughly by the forearm. "Would you just shut up? Everyone's going to think you're crazy!" Carth hissed under his breath while giving everyone an apologetic smile. "Sorry! She…uh…it's that time of the month."

I blinked a couple of times as the bystanders 'hmm'd and nodded in understanding. One woman even went so far as to offer me some painkillers. I gave her the meanest glare I could muster, which was pretty damn mean. Must've been, because she just dropped the pills and ran off, wind-milling her arms and screaming like they do in the cartoons. I found that mildly entertaining. I sat down again (I always stand up when I'm yelling. Unless, of course, I'm sitting down.) and chugged the rest of my café mocha. Slamming the cup down, I looked at our small group.

"Okay, time to go!"

Bastila snorted. "We're not going anywhere. I haven't finished my tea." She lifted the teacup up to her mouth, her little pinky sticking out in that annoying 'sophisticated' way. I scowled and put a finger under her cup, tipping it so the contents spilled over her face and down the front of her robes. She sputtered angrily as she set her cup down and reached for a nearby napkin dispenser.

"You're finished." I said darkly, glowering at the prissy Jedi. "Let's go."

"I want a cookie!" Mission chirped happily. "I saw some macadamia nut ones that looked really yummy!" She licked her lips and rubbed her tummy in anticipation. I stared at her, jaw slightly open.

"Did you fall, hit your head, and forget how to talk like an intelligent being? Besides, do you really _deserve_ a cookie?"

She looked at me and nodded vigorously.

"And why, may I ask, do you _deserve_ a cookie?"

"For putting up with _you_!" She retorted, sticking her tongue out at me. I growled and hit Carth on the back of the head.

"HEY! What was that for!?" Carth bellowed, quite enraged. I sighed heavily.

"Well, I _can't_ go hitting Mission! She's a minor!" I shook my head. " I can't go around hitting minors! What kind of message would that send out to people?"

Carth grumbled unhappily under his breath.

"Are you finished with your damn coffee yet?" I asked tersely, beginning to feel my left eye twitch. Carth looked at me, to his coffee, to Bastila, then back to me.

"Yes, I'm finished." He took one last gulp before setting his mug back down on the metal table.

"Good. I'm going to go use the 'fresher room, and when I come back we're going to pay the bill and leave. Got it?" They all nodded. "Good. Mission, if you want a cookie, you better get one fast." Mission bolted to the counter and ordered a cookie. She came back smiling widely. I got up and made for the 'Fresher. I stopped just around a nearby corner and peeked around at our table. Bastila was still wiping at the stain on her uniform. Carth was sitting with his arms crossed, an unhappy scowl on his face. Mission was blathering on to Zaalbar, who was just sitting there and taking it. I cackled to myself and made for the door.

"Uh, miss? Are you going to pay?"

"Huh?" I turned to the young Tarisian standing behind the counter. "Oh, I was with them. They'll pay when they're ready to leave." The boy nodded and smiled grandly.

"Have a nice day, miss."

"Yeah, you too!" I waved cheerily and whistled as I strolled out into the streets. The way back to the apartments took me right in front of the table we were sitting at. The streets were moderately crowded, but they had a clear view of me. Carth was the first one to notice me. He froze in mid-sentence, his eyes growing large and his jaw hanging. The others followed his line of sight, and they all pretty much had the same reaction. I smiled widely and waved.

" SELORA!!" Bastila's high-pitched scream cut through the crowd like a vibroblade through a pile of Bantha poodoo. I laughed out loud and started to run. I looked back to see her standing at the edge of the small railing that separated the little café area from the sidewalk. She was yelling something and shaking her fist in my general direction. I snickered some more as I sprinted around the corner and into the apartment complex.

I only had to wait for five minutes before the others came storming in to the apartment. Mission and Zaalbar didn't seem too concerned, but Carth and Bastila were both livid. I chuckled and felt a grin make its way across my face.

"Why, welcome home! Where have you guys been?"

Bastila scowled. "What would possess you to do such a thing? Leaving us with the bill!"

I laughed lightly. "Why, it's not like you didn't have any money or anything! Besides, it's not really fair for you guys to always assume that I'm going to pay for everything."

"YOU'RE the one that carries all the money!" Carth yelled angrily.

"Well then, let this be a lesson to you. Always carry a bit of your own cash, because you never know if I'll be there or not."

"That's for sure." Carth grumbled as he sat down heavily in one of the strangely shaped chairs. "You're completely unreliable. Why do you have the money in the first place?"

"Because I'm the main character. I mean, because most of it came from me winning those fights." My eyes darted around to see if anyone had caught what I had said. They were all too caught up in their own little worlds to notice. I sighed with relief. "Anyway, it's over and the bill was paid." We all sat in silence for a couple of minutes. The peace was broken by my stomach growling loudly. "I'm hungry…you guys want to eat out somewhere?"

"NO!"

I shrugged at their collective answer. "Suit yourself. I'm going down to that nice restaurant down the street. The Correlian one." I got up and made my way to the door.

"WAIT! We'll come too!" Bastila said excitedly. I turned around to find her almost right behind me. I reached out and put my hand on her face, pushing her backwards.

"No way. I don't trust you guys as far as I can throw you." I paused for a moment. "That's not very far." Smiling at the collective looks of disbelief, I made my way out the door.

* * *

Yeah...it's not the greatest, but it's something. Sorry. -shrugs- I'll try my best to find the next chapter. It has to be somewhere! I swear it is!! ARGH!! -goes insane- 


	11. ESCAPE! FINALLY!

-1**Chapter 10: The Grape Escape! I Mean Great. Great Escape.**

All right…I've been putting this bloody story off for WAY to long. Time for a new chapter! I'm not sure if it's 'Mandelorian' or 'Mandalorian'. Either way, it's 2:30 AM and I can't be assed to look it up. I'd apologize, but I'm not sorry. Just very, very tired.

* * *

"You know, this is dragging on much longer than I thought it would." I commented blandly to the rest of my ragtag group, which was currently occupied with some intense lounging around the apartment. "I thought it'd just be a kind of…find Bastila and then randomly pop up somewhere else. You know, Force and all. But _no_. We're still _here_. In this _shit hole_. Of _shit_."

"You know," Mission sat up where she had been laying lifelessly on the floor. "Davik has an awesome ship called 'The Ebon Hawk'. We could probably get off the planet by using it."

"Yeah, but even if we had the ship, we'd still need the Sith codes to get through the quarantine defense…thingies." Carth replied, sounding slightly depressed.

"My, how technical." I observed dryly. I was too lazy to look at Carth, so I just assumed he was glaring in my general direction, and so I glared back in a random direction, under the assumption that he knew I was glaring at him.

Everyone let out a depressed sigh.

"Well then, how about we steal them?" I offered, the suggestion a cliché bright ray of lemon-yellow hope that cut through the inky darkness of hopelessness like a vibroblade through something soft, squishy, and easily cut. There was a collection of 'ooh's and 'ahh's and 'HELLZ YEAH's floating through the air. I smiled to myself. _Oh yeah. I'm AWESOME._ "Right! Let's get to it then!" I opened the door to find someone about to knock, except instead of hitting the metal door, they clocked me right in the forehead.

"Ah, godDAMNit!" I stumbled backwards, holding a hand to my forehead. "WHAT DID I DO, FORCE!? WHY DO YOU _HATE_ ME!?"

"Uh…sorry 'bout that."

I looked up to see a green male Twi'Lek shrugging sheepishly at me. I glared as best I could before standing up straight again and readjusting my light armor.

"What do you want?" I hissed between clenched teeth.

"You won the swoop race, right?"

"Well, technically-" Bastila began, but I quickly shut her up by smacking a hand across her loud mouth.

"Why,_yes_, I believe I did win that swoop race. What of it?"

"Canderous Ordo wishes to speak with you. He'll meet you in Javyar's Cantina."

"Uh…that's the one in the Undercity, right?" I asked.

"Yes. You best not keep him waiting."

"Yeah, whatever. We'll probably be there at some vague and indistinct point in the future." I stated impatiently, turning my assailant around and shoving him out the door while stepping on his heels as much as possible.

"Hey! Watch the boots!" He whined.

"Go die in a hole, bastard!" I snarled and kicked him in the back of the knees, which forced him to fall to them, then kicked him in the back of the head. "Owned, asshole." I turned to the others. "We going, or are you going to stare at me like I'm insane until we all die from retinal hemorrhaging or something equally stupid?"

Realizing that they really didn't have much of a choice in the matter, they all nodded and followed me as I left the apartment, stepping over the Twi'lek's unconscious body. "Heh heh heh…"

"Hey, are you Canderous Ordo?" I inquired, tapping a rather burly cantina patron on the shoulder.

"Pardon_me!?_" The indignant lady spun around to glare at me, her moustache twitching with anger. I suppressed the urge to vomit while gouging my eyes out with a rusty spoon. I heard Carth gag, Mission snicker, and Bastila snort at my ignorance. I forced a fake smile on my face.

"Sorry. Uh, _she_ dared me to do that." I pointed to Bastila, thereby absolving myself from any blame. "You should probably teach her that judging people based solely upon the shallow values force-fed upon us by an overwhelming majority of society is wrong." The huge, hairy lady stood up and waddled angrily over to Bastila, who cowered in a corner. Snickering, I looked around to see a Mandelorian approach me.

"Right. I don't want to be seen talking to you freaks, so let's make this quick." He growled. "I know you're trying to escape this festering stinkhole, and so am I. We'll have more of a chance of success if we work together."

I looked at the others, who nodded in assent even though they obviously did not like the situation. Bastila was still cowering under the glare of the fat lady, and feebly rattling off half-baked excuses.

"I didn't tell her to do anything! Jedi's honor!"

I turned back to Canderous. "What do you propose?"

"I can get you into Davik's estate if you can get the Sith codes."

"Yeah, sure, fine. Deal." I shook his hand and motioned for us all to leave. "We'll meet you back here after we get the codes." I grabbed Bastila and dragged her along behind me, out of the pudgy grasp of the incensed 'lady' who then lumbered back to her table to continue horking down her meal. By the looks of it, it was some race's young covered in mayo and barbeque sauce. I shuddered and picked up the pace.

"For the sake of my sanity, I'm going to assume that was some commonly-accepted meat under that three inch thick layer of mayo." Everyone solemnly nodded in assent as we continued on towards the Sith compound. I stopped suddenly and soon found myself on the ground, the rest of the party piled on top of me. Apparently I had stopped rather quickly, and they were all walking two inches behind me or something. I growled and spat angrily.

"Get OFFA me!"

They all eventually climbed to their feet and looked around awkwardly, avoiding any and all eye contact.

"So…uhh…why did you stop so suddenly?" Carth asked in a brave attempt to break the angry silence. Good thing, because I had forgotten all about stopping.

"Ah! Right! I feel like we're missing something really important."

"Like we should have special astromech droid with the ability to unlock very difficult doors or something, right?" Mission piped up. I turned to look at her.

"Spot on my Twi'lek friend! To the DROID SHOP!" I pointed in the general direction then began the journey with the confident step of an insane militaristic leader. It was a short journey, since we were right beside the droid shop when the decision to get a droid was made. It sure made things a lot easier than they could have been, at any rate. We all piled into the small shop and began to browse the limited merchandise. I walked up to the counter as a young Twi'lek woman suddenly popped up from behind the desk.

"Hi! What can I help you with today?"

Slightly taken aback by her cheerful exuberance, I shrugged. "I want a droid."

"Uh-huh, uh-huh, I can get you that! See that droid right beside the counter? Right there? To your left?" I looked to my left, and there was indeed a droid there. Two, in fact. There was a white and blue droid, along with a red one that was spewing out hot sparks in every direction, leaving little black marks where they had landed on my armor and burned. My mood was taking a rapid turn for the worse. "I was working on that little guy for about two hours. I found him in a trash bin."

"Hmm. I couldn't imagine why." I replied, giving the sputtering droid a withering gaze.

"Yeah, but I fixed him up real good. You can have him for two thousand credits."

"No, I don't want that one. I want the white and blue one." I replied while reaching for my wallet.

"Fine. I'll drop the price to one thousand."

I sighed while smacking my palm to my forehead. "I don't _want_ the broken one. I want the _unbroken_ one."

"Five hundred! But that's as low as I can go!"

"Oh, for the love of the Force…" I buried my face in my hands for a few seconds, which gave me time to partially regain what little composure I had to begin with. "Let me spell this out for you. I. Don't. Want. The. Broken. Droid. There, did you get it that time!?" I could feel the group's eyes on me as my voice began to get louder. "Now tell me how much you want for the BLUE AND WHITE ONE before I friggin' LOSE IT!!"

She flinched and cowered behind the counter. "That one was being made for Davik! I can't sell it!"

Mission walked up beside me. "Canderous said he was working for Davik, didn't he?" She paused for a moment. "Your face looks really red. Are you okay?"

I willed my blood pressure to return to normal as I acknowledged Mission's statement. "Yes, you're right, Mission. Canderous sent us. And since it was Davik who sent Canderous, it's sort of like Davik sent us."

"So…Davik sent you?"

I gave her a strange look. "No, dumbass. Weren't you listening at all??" She flinched again. "So you want two thousand for it, eh? Well, how about you sell it to us for no thousand dollars, and I let you live?"

"I know a good deal when I hear one." She squeaked out. "Take the stupid thing! But if Davik thinks I'm going to do any more custom work for him, he's got another thing coming!"

"I really don't give a rats ass." With a final parting gnash of my teeth, I motioned for the droid to follow me and swiftly made my exit, closely followed by the rest of my posse. Carth increased his stride until he was walking beside me.

"Was that really fair?"

"Was what really fair?" I replied, staring straight ahead, as people tend to do while they're walking.

"Taking that droid from that girl. I'm sure there was some other way of getting it." I didn't even have to look at him to know that his face was all scrunched up with concern for the stupid wench that tried to sell us the walking fire hazard for an outrageous price.

"Oh, I'm sure there were other ways." I stopped, turned toward him, and grabbed his shoulders. "Now, listen to me, Carth. What's done is done. No sense worrying over what _could_ have been, or what I _could_ have done. We have the droid-" I motioned to T3, who bleeped cheerfully. "- so let's just move along, shall we?"

He sighed angrily. "Fine. Would you stop _shaking_ me now?"

It seemed that, at some point during our friendly little chat, I had begun to shake Carth almost violently by the shoulders. I quickly removed my hands from his person and, with a dignified flip of my hair, finished off the last four feet of our epic journey back to the Sith compound's door. I gave T3 a pat on the…thing that one would normally refer to as a head, then pointed to the door.

"Open the door, T3! Come on!" Within a minute, T3 had hacked through the door's locking mechanism, saved Johnney from the well, and had made me the best damn non-fat dulce de leche cappuccino I had ever had. "Good boy, T3! I am _so_ glad I extorted you from that stupid woman!"

T3 chirped and blerped happily as the door flew open with a deafening_PSSSHSHHHHHHHH-KACHUNK-CLAAAAAANGGGG!!!_ With more than a slight grimace, I turned to my team and motioned for them to follow me.

We entered a small elevator piping out the standard insipid music. Carth banged his head against the wall, Mission stuck her fingers in her ears and hummed to herself, Bastila repeated the Jedi code to herself over and over, and T3 went into temporary shut down mode. I smiled and hummed along. Carth paused from giving himself a serious head wound to look at me like I was a reanimated corpse or something. I raised my eyebrows as innocently as I could manage.

"What?"

He moved back a bit from me and shook his head slowly. "You…you actually _enjoy_ this music, don't you?"

I shrugged. "It's kinda catchy."

"You're_sick_, you know that?"

I smiled widely at him in response. A soft _ping_ was heard as the doors slip open to reveal a cold reception room. I strode up to the metal desk and fixed the Twi'lek working there with a hard stare.

"Is everything in this goddamned building made of _metal_?"

She shrugged. "The people aren't."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes while crushing her windpipe. _Barely_resisted the urge. I took a deep, calming breath. "Who's in charge here?"

The receptionist narrowed her eyes at me. "Do you have an appointment?"

"Uh…yeah."

She pursed her lips, still not convinced. She punched a few commands into the console in front of her. "What's your name?"

"What's the first name on your list?"

She looked at the screen. " Horton McFannery."

I paused for a moment. "Oh." There was a moment of tense silence before I reached out, grabbed the Twi'lek by the back of the head, and pulled her face directly into the console. I felt a strange sense of accomplishment as her body slumped to the floor, blood pouring from her nose. I dusted my hands off and smiled.

"That was much easier than I thought it was going to be." I turned to the others. "Why do you guys look so pale?"

"That was completely unnecessary!" Bastila scowled. "You could have offered to pay her off, or-"

" OR I could have rammed her face into the console, thus saving us, like, twenty credits. Oh, wait." I looked over at the Twi'lek's unconscious form to punctuate my point. "Yeah, that's right. I_already did that_."

Bastila clenched her fists and began to recite the Jedi Code to herself rather loudly.

"Mind being quiet? It's hard to kill people when you're distracting me with your Jedi mumbo-jumbo about love, peace and bongs or whatever."

Bastila was about to jeopardize my wellbeing when a door to the left opened to reveal a small group of Sith finishing up a long gaming session. They were cheerfully discussing the last frag of the game when they noticed us standing there, staring at them. There was a brief moment where neither of us were entirely sure what to do. Eventually, one of the Sith slowly started making his was towards the desk.

"Listen to me, you weirdos." He pointed directly at _me_ as he continued his was towards the desk. "If you do so much as _twitch_, I'm going to press the alarm button!"

"I'd like to know what you plan to do if we actually listen to you." I replied, more than slightly skeptical of the man's false bravado.

"Well…um…" He stopped and thought for a moment before shrugging. "Press the alarm button."

I sighed. "Well, in that case…" I unsheathed my vibroblade and imbedded it in his chest before he had time to react. "I think I'm just going to kill you all."

"Holy_shit_! She just _killed_ Gavin!" The rest of the group instantly fell into disarray and began to run around aimlessly, screaming. I managed to pull my blade out of Gavin's corpse and turned to consult my team.

"This is just _sad_. D'you think we should just put them out of their misery?"

Mission stared at them, mouth agape. "What are they? Like, thirty?"

I shrugged. "Around there."

Bastila's expression turned almost mournful. "It's such a sad thing, isn't it?"

"Either way, I don't think we should kill them."

I scoffed at Carth. " '_I don't think we should have extorted that lady! I don't think we should kill the worthless sacks of meat!_'" I mimicked Carth in a high-pitched, whiney voice. "If we listened to you all the time, a lot more people would be alive right now!" I took a moment to ponder what I had just said. "That didn't come out right."

"I still don't think they deserve to die!" He cried out, indignant. "Just because they're losers with no social skills or hygiene doesn't mean they should die!"

"Well, they're starting to get on my nerves." Mission scowled.

"We have to do something soon or they're going to attract attention." Bastila stated, her voice devoid of passion. Or anything anyone gave a rat's ass about.

"THAT'S_IT!_" With a primal screech borne of pure rage, I cut down the other four men in less than a minute. It was kind of like shooting Selkath in a barrel, but carnage was carnage. I was in no position to be picky. I took a few minutes to calm down a bit.

"This is a hallway." I pointed down what was indeed a hallway. "We are going to go down said hallway until we get somewhere else- Mission, are you done or do you need to go wretch outside!?"

Mission, who looked quite pale and sickly, held a hand tightly over her mouth while shaking her head no.

"Good. Let's _go_ already!"

We went into a nearby med bay, destroyed the droids within, and took whatever supplies we could get our hands on. I grabbed a few medpacks, Bastila found some credits, Carth salvaged a blaster from one of the droids and fitted it to T3, and Mission pried a rather cute teddy bear from the fingers of an obviously deceased child, whose fingers were stiff with rigor mortis. I swear I didn't kill the kid.

Carth gave Mission a disconcerted glance as she gleefully played catch with the teddy bear, seemingly oblivious of the fact that she had just stolen it from a dead child.

The hall led to a strangely shaped room that had three other hallways coming off of it. Along a nearby wall were two containment fields. One was inactive, and the other held a Duros who was desperately calling out to me.

"Hey! Hey, remember me!?"

I walked over and studied his face closely. "Nope."

He looked a bit dismayed by this, but continued on anyway. "I'm the one you saved from the Sith! In the apartments! Remember??"

"…no."

He was silent for a moment. "It doesn't matter. Look, they found me while I was stashing the dead Sith bodies and brought me in here to be executed." I tried my best to not look excited at the prospect. "See those panels on the opposite wall there?"

I looked behind me, and indeed there were panels on the wall. "Yeah. What about them?"

"Well, when they're all turned green, this thing'll fry me, but when they're all turned red, this containment field will drop and I'll be free! If you can-"

I help up my hand for him to stop. "I think I understand what you're getting at."

"Oh, thank you! Just be careful not to make them all turn green, or it's lights out for me!"

"Yeah, whatever." I walked over to the panels and began to randomly press them. There were five panels, and every time you pressed one, it would change the color of the panel pressed and the two panels on either side. I had it so that the two outermost left panels were green, and the other three were red.

"You said all green, right?"

"WHAT!? NO!"

"Not not green?" I turned to look at the Duros, who was shaking his head vehemently.

"Not green!"

"What about red?"

"YES! Red is good!"

I looked back at the panels. "But if I press this one, they'll all be green and I won't have to mess around with these stupid panels anymore."

"What?! I'll be dead!!"

I tried my best to seemed concerned. "Oh no. That would be rather uncomfortable for you in the split second it would take you to die. Woe is me."

He sighed angrily. "Look, you can leave if you want, just don't make them all green!"

"Make them all green? Okay!" I pressed the middle red panel and smiled as they all pulsed green. I heard a sickening scream and spun around just in time to watch the Duros get smited by bolts of lightening or something. The sickeningly sweet smell of burning flesh wafted through the air in the following dead silence (pun intended).

"You…killed him." Bastila whispered, still in horrified shock. I shrugged.

"Shit happens. Moving along!"

From there we went down each hallway, killing droids and Sith, until we finally came to what looked to be the fancy-shmancy quarters of whoever was in charge. Fortunately for us, the door was unlocked. Unfortunately for us, a Dark Jedi was in charge. He got up from his meditation and glared haughtily (in almost a Bastila sort of fashion) at us.

"Who would dare to interrupt my meditation! I- wait. The Force is strong in you, although I sense it is still raw and untamed." He stared at me intently. "With the proper training, you could become very strong indeed."

I blinked, rather confused. "Why do you talk so goddamn weird?"

He let out a growl from deep in his throat. "You're powerful enough without training. When I strike you down, my master will surely grant me my own light saber!"

"Over my dead body! Well, I suppose that much would be obvious." I added quickly. "But I stick to my original protest!" I pulled out my vibroblade and lunged. Carth took cover behind a plasteel container and provided cover fire, Bastila both aided me in combat and used her Force powers to heal us both, and Mission wandered off to a nearby couch to have a conversation with her new teddy bear.

The fight took a good ten minutes, and Bastila and I were exhausted. I sat down on the Sith's dead corpse, wiping sweat off my forehead. "He better have the damn codes in an easily accessible pocket. No way in hell am I rooting through this bastard's inner pockets. Who knows what could be in there." I shuddered as I slipped my hand into the nearest pocket. "Let's see…gum, a lighter, a couple of credits, and- aHA!" I pulled out a data pad. "Success! T3! Get in here!"

T3, who had been observing over a security camera link, rolled into the room, wheepling and broopelling all over the place.

"Take this data pad and keep it safe. We're going to need it to get off this damn planet already." I stood up and stretched. "We should probably gather up the crew and go meet Canderous in the cantina now. I want off this bloody Gammorean ass-pustule of a planet as soon as possible."

We quickly made our way back to the run-down apartment and got Zalbaar. As soon as he saw Mission, he growled happily. Mission giggled and punched him in the arm in response.

"Of course I'm fine, Big Z! And look what I found!" She held up the teddy bear to Zalbaar, who did little more than grunt in bored recognition. "We also got the codes we need to get off Taris! Although, I kinda do like it here…"

Carth furrowed his brow in consternation. "You can't be serious, Mission. This planet is a cesspool."

"HEY!" Mission pouted. "Don't talk about Taris like that! It's our home! It's-"

"A festering boil on the behind of the galaxy." I stated blandly.

"The galaxy doesn't have a butt." Mission shot back, sticking her tongue out at me.

"I'm not going to waste time arguing semantics with you, Mission. We're going." With that, we made our way to Javyar's Cantina once again. The hairy man-woman was still there chowing down as well, an observation which wasn't altogether surprising. Canderous was sitting at the bar, pounding back a Tarisian ale.

"You guys wait here. I'll go talk to him." Without giving anyone the opportunity to protest, I buggered off over to the bar and sat on the stool beside him.

"I heard that someone broke into the Sith compound."

"Dude, that just happened, like, _ten minutes_ ago. How the hell can you know so fast?"

He shrugged, staring into his ale nonchalantly. "I have contacts."

" I don't even want to know." I shook my head slowly, a little creeped out. "We have the codes."

Canderous chugged the rest of his ale, slammed his glass down on the countertop, and looked at me. "I have a speeder parked outside."

"…good for you."

He rolled his eyes. "To take us to Davik's estate."

"Oh. Right." I looked over my shoulder at the rag-tag group that had somehow managed to assemble itself. "Exactly how big is this speeder?"

"I can only take three of you. The rest will have to wait at wherever the hell it is you're staying."

I thought about it for a moment. "Sounds good. When can we leave?"

"Right friggin' now."

"Wow, perfect timing." I got up and walked over to the group. "Okay, he can only take three of us. Carth, Bastila, you two are with me. The rest of you, wait at the apartment and we'll pick you up in the Ebon Hawk." Everyone nodded. "Good. Now go." Zaalbar, Mission and T3 made their way out of the cantina.

"Selora, may I have a word with you?" Bastila gently grabbed my arm and dragged me a little distance away from Carth and Canderous, who were busy trying to figure out why they intrinsically hated each other so much by having a glaring contest. I turned my attention back to Bastila.

"What?"

"I don't think we can trust him." She looked over my shoulder at Canderous, who was scowling angrily.

"Oh, well then, I suppose we should call up that other guy who offered to lead us to a kick ass ship that could get us off this planet. Oh, wait, that guy doesn't exist."

"Your sarcastic remarks are beginning to wear on my nerves." Bastila hissed at me, her jaw clenched.

"Look, unless you have a suggestion, this conversation is over." When she didn't reply, I huffed at her then walked back to the other two and smacked Canderous over the back of the head to get his attention. "Stop being stupid and get us out of here."

He glared at me, his lip curling into a cruel sneer. "If you ever do that to me again, I'll-"

This time I punched him in the solar plexus. "Enough talk. Time to leave."

After he had taken a few moments to regain his breath, Canderous lead us to his speeder. Bastila sat up front with Canderous while Carth and I sat in the back. It was a short and very disturbing ride full off near-death experiences and fleeing pedestrians. Then, to top it all off, we had been shoved in a cell within Davik's estate while he checked out our bloody backgrounds. I slouched over in my chair and looked at Bastila and Carth. I groaned inwardly.

"Maybe I should have brought Mission and Zaalbar…" Either way, it was too late now. I lazily watched as Carth attempted to slice the force field that held us in the room. He tried for a good three minutes before finally giving up, and action which was punctuated by his angry punching of the security panel.

"Damnit!" He raked his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Can you do it Bastila?"

She shook her head. "The Jedi don't teach us how to break into security systems." It was hard to tell if she was being snarky or serious with her statement. Either way, she pissed me off. I managed to convince myself to get to my feet and shuffle over to the console.

"I'll do it." Carth moved out of the way. The field was down in no more than ten seconds. "There. Now, let's find that ship."

We made our way through the labyrinth-like halls, killing many guards and collecting many credits along the way, until we eventually managed to find Canderous. He was leaning against a large door at the end of the very last hall we decided to explore. Of course.

"Took you long enough." I growled, pulling out his blaster rifle. "The Hawk's on the other side of this door."

I used a nearby console to slice through the security lock, and the four of us entered the hangar to see Davik and his bounty hunter boyfriend or whatever waiting for us.

"Oh. Hey." I chirped smoothly. "How's it going?"

Davik scowled. "You didn't think that I would just let you waltz in here and take the Ebon Hawk from me, did you?"

"To be completely honest, I didn't give it much thought." I replied, resting my hand lightly on the hilt of my sword. "But, I guess if you won't go down without a fight-"

Calo pulled out his blasters and took aim as I was charging towards Davik, who was fumbling to draw his own blade. I heard more blaster shots, and the distinct hum of a light saber as Bastila joined in the fray. I was about to strike Davik in the torso after I had ducked under his horizontal slash, but the hanger was rocked by a nearby blast. We all paused to look out at the city, which was being blown to hell. I couldn't say that I was sorry to see it happening. Festering boil and all that.

"Damnit! Those Sith'll bring this hanger down around our ears!" Davik yelled as he dodged some falling debris. Calo pulled a detonator out of his jacket pocket and held it up.

"If I go, everyone goes!"

I had gone back to dueling with Davik, who was quickly beginning to tire. He slipped up while trying to block one of my blows, and I was about to finish him off when a large beam fell from the ceiling and smashed him flatter than a pancake. I looked over just in time to watch Calo get buried in some very heavy-looking debris.

"Get on the ship!" I screamed at the others as I weaved my way through the junk littering the floor, holding my arms up to protect my head. Once on the Hawk, Canderous unlocked the controls and Carth took over. We made it to the apartment just in time, them bolted for space. T3 broadcasted the Sith code, and we managed to escape relatively unscathed.

Once out of immediate danger, we gathered in the cockpit to discuss what we should do next.

"I can't believe it's gone…" Mission hugged her teddy close, tears brimming her eyes.

"Oh, for the love of…it was a bloody piece of garbage, Mission. You should be happy it was blown to shit. I know I'm just frackin' ecstatic to be the hell off of it. it's about bloody time."

"I think we should go to the JedI Enclave on Dantooine. I'm sure the Jedi masters there will want to hear of this." Bastila pulled up the galaxy map and poked at the holographic image of Dantooine.

"I heard it's a peaceful planet. Maybe it'll do us some good." Carth agreed, returning to the pilot's chair. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. The last thing I wanted to do was deal with a bunch of stuck-up Jedi, but it didn't seem I had a choice.

"Fine! I don't care." I huffed and stalked out towards the starboard bunks. "I'm getting some bloody shut-eye. Tell me when we're there."

* * *

Well, that's about it. If you see horrible, horrible mistakes here or there, or you just have some general comment, feel free to leave a review. Hope you enjoyed it, since it took me so long to get it done. I shall endeavor to work faster in the future. 


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